Divine Gifts for Iris

Day One of the SITS contest!! Favorite Halloween Memory

2010-10-30T10:52:00.000-04:00

My favorite Halloween memory is my last time I "trick or treated", which happens to have been my Senior year in high school! Me and a group of about 15 other seniors went around the rich neighborhood together. Responses to our childishness ranged from quizzical to hesitant to hilarity!

One of my friends was about 4' 11" and dressed up in a child's lion costume, complete with face paint. I was a girl scout (last minute costume). I was walking with my lion friend (and I am only about 2 inches taller than she) and at one of the houses a woman said, "It's so nice to see the older kids take the little ones out." It was quite hilarious, especially since she was older than some of our group.

Some of the houses were more like mansions and gave out king sized candy bars and cans of soda. One house offered us beer, but being the "smart kids" of our school, we tended to follow the laws and declined the tempting beer.

That Halloween still tops the charts as my favorite because it was the last Halloween of my school career, the last one with all of my friends in attendance. There is a picture of us that night that one of my friends posted on Facebook, but my computer is not currently recognizing cookies and I can't upload the picture to my blog :( sorry!

This entry has been inspired by an extreme giveaway being hosted by the SITS girls, where they are giving away a Canon camera, which is the expensive kind and would really be sublime to win. The next two days will be postings for this contest as well!

Check This One Out!!!

2010-10-29T10:31:00.000-04:00

Mrs. B is hosting a wonderful giveaway today. I am in love with this goddess beaded necklace, which happens to come with a cute "Halloween" scarf from StarFire Creations. Please check this out, it is very nice!!

I am dying to post pictures but I fear that Blogger has made my computer obsolete, I may never post a picture again!! Ugh, I hate to even think about it.

And The Winner Is...

2010-10-27T10:24:00.000-04:00

Sus from "Sips from the Fire Hydrant"!! Congrats Sus! I guess if you enter to win enough contests you will at least win something, I hope you fared well on your other entries! Please email me you address info so that I may send your runes out ASAP, maybe you can have them in time for Samhain for divination when the veils are at there thinnest.

Thank you to all who supported me during my first giveaway! It was a small crowd but I think that may be due to the sporadic nature of my writing, it is tough to have faithful readers when they can never tell when you will post.

I have been reading a great book as of late titled, "Practical Intuition" by Laura Day. It is a step by step guide on how to hone your intuitive perceptions. It is a wonderful book that basically states that everyone has intuition, some more thatn others, but everyone has the ability to notice these intuitions. She has many exercises in the book that help you notice this intuition. So far I have predicted my future for the next year, but I am only a quarter through the book, there is so much more to learn!

This post lacks pictures due to the lameness of either my computer or blogger not recognizing my cookie settings. Ugh, I hate having an outdated computer (6 yrs old). It is a wonderful thing that has never caught a virus or even had a hiccup! It is a mac, a computer my husband bought a few months before we met. I love it, but to buy a new mac will cost a fortune, we are thinking on just buying a cheap laptop that has up to date applications and operating system. Blah Blah Blah, computer lingo.

Samhain Blessings!

Iris's First Giveaway!!

2010-10-25T12:39:00.001-04:00

Enter to win this humble set of handmade runes. The runes were made from dried fava beans and silver and gold paint. These runes were charged with their meanings as each one was made. The bag is also something that I made, not perfect but it is these runes' home! It is made from a cotton floral fabric on the outside and the inside is a soft flannel star fabric, which the runes seem to like sleeping on. These runes are special because they are my first, but I feel that someone other than me would benefit from them more, in this season of Divination.

How To Enter:

*Become a follower of this blog
and
*Blog about this giveaway and paste the link of your post in your "comment"

Get an extra entry if you leave another comment about your favorite Past Post from this blog!
(See "Look into the Past" drop-down menu on left sidebar for older postings)

Please have your entry in by 11:59pm EST on Tuesday October 26th, 2010.

A winner will be drawn on the following morning.

I would like to thank all of my readers for making my first year blogging a good one!

The Outcome...

2010-10-21T17:16:00.000-04:00

It seems that when I pay attention to the signs and feelings that come to me, things start to make sense again. Thank you for all of the helpful energy toward the giveaway, as I ended up winning it! How strange that the only giveaway I enter for this October was the one I won? To top off strange things, I also one a pendant last year that I wanted much in the same way that I want this one. That same feeling of expectation came with it, almost knowing that it would be mine.

I have been reading Judika Illes's Pure Magic, a wonderful book about spell casting. It has been a great refresher and basic course for me. I enjoy the way it covers many ways of creating magic and her theories on such matters as well. I had read something of her words that stuck with me and that was the sighting of Ravens being a good sign. I have been seeing Ravens everywhere I go, and not in a natural sense, they have been blocking the road and staring at me when I am alone in my car. What is this supposed to mean? I have even happened upon one in mid flight carrying food in its beak and one over a pile of carrion. Maybe I am just noticing them more than usual because I have been alerted of them? Kind of like when you get a new car and that seems to be the only other car on the road because you are tuned into it? What ever the case, I really feel that when I pay attention to possible signs that they are there and more full of meaning had I just stumbled upon them out of the blue.

I have collected the twigs for my besom, but I have not had the motivation to begin the task. Is this yet another sign or merely an effect of my severe laziness? I just feel that I can never gather the right materials for the job. I try to gather all from nature; my bristles are never pliable and I can never find a string-like substance and last year I used blue cotton yarn to bind the thing! This year I was going for a step up from last year's mass of broken twigs all over my bedroom floor (which the cats love to eat, so this doesn't help the crumbling factor). Does anyone have any sage wisdom on besom making?

Trying to regularly write in a blog is a feat when you have young children and an attractive husband, as when the children are up, well they are a bit crazy and writing gets interrupted but when they are asleep my concentration is shortly fixed upong the screen, I would rather eat dessert and go to bed for more! As I write this my nose is telling me that my efforts in baking beans might just pay off.

Thank you to Mrs. B for hosting the giveaways this October, and thank you also to Lytha Studios for being so generous as to give me a beautiful pendant!

Warm Blessings!

Giveaway at Mrs. B's

2010-10-20T10:25:00.000-04:00

I finally found a giveaway that I really wanted, which is dangerous because it really puts pressure on getting this item, but I am really drawn to it. I am also excited that I found a new shop to browse for Pagan jewelry, which can be difficult to find unique pieces. As you may have read a few entries ago, I am always on the lookout for the perfect pentacle for me to wear in public. This is it! It is Goddess oriented and slightly hidden to the naive onlooker, but plain sight for fellow pagans. Go check it out if you like it, or if you want to partake in some other awesome giveaways all this month at Pagan Soccer Mom.

More later on current happenings!

Minor Day's Updates

2010-10-13T12:02:00.000-04:00

I felt like taking a nap all morning, but when I finally got the chance, I pre-prepared dinner for my husband, so it will be ready when I get home. I made lasagna with tofu instead of ricotta cheese, which adds some protein and takes away some of the fat. I still have cheese on top, but I make up for that by omitting the meat and adding in spinach, mushrooms, black olives, green peppers and secret broccoli. What is secret broccoli, you ask? It is broccoli all minced into bits by a food processor and mixed into a meal. My kids are not fond of the texture of broccoli, so this is how we still reap the benefits of such a nice vegetable. I am hoping the kids love this dinner and pick out only half of the vegetables (spinach probably).

There are so many little minor updates that I normally do not post, but all together it makes it feel as if I have one big thing to share. Estella talked to a girl at school yesterday, she said "I like purple and pink". Believe it or not, this is a wonderful accomplishment for my shy little observer (who talks non-stop at home). Sebastian is picking up words left and right, and turned 18 months today! We are paying bills again, and it feels so nice to have the money to do that! I bought 8 mew shirts, a peacoat and three scarves (tags on) at Goodwill for $15. We are enjoying apples that we picked last Sunday at the apple orchard. We are excited to have our first dinner at our new place with our extended family, we will be making a roasted and stuffed chicken with all of the trimmings.

After writing about all of the positives that my family has been receiving, it makes me feel more optimistic about the day. Thank you Goddess, for all of the blessings we have been given.

Following My Intuition

2010-10-06T11:28:00.000-04:00

So much has happened in our lives as of late! We have uprooted ourselves and moved back the Maine. We were living with my in-laws for the summer (I don't recommend this) and now we are renting a nice old house in Camden, ME. So nice to have our own place again. I do miss having my coven, that is something that was the most difficult to give up, but I take the opportunities that the Goddess gives me, not knowing where they will truly lead me until I get there.

I have been trusting my intuition more these days. I am trying to get a feel for what it is like when I am right about something before it actually happens. I was on my way to a client's house and I was early. I "hoped" that there would be a nature preserve to park at that was nearby to his house, but not visible. Sure enough, not a minute down the wooded lane there was a preserve with a small parking area! The first thing that I noticed was my future besom, all of the bristles were lying in a heap beside my car and further down fro them was a nice thick and smooth handle. I felt that this was a gift for me, especially since I have been thinking that it was about time to replace my old besom, which had fallen apart earlier in the year. I obviously loaded my future besom into my car and proceeded with my day.

I have noticed an influx of "intuition" as I have started to pay attention and heed it more often. I think that I may have an unhoned psychic gift to share with others and aid me in my journey to succeed in life. I followed my intuition to Maine and immediately found jobs that we had so long been seeking. I just get a feeling sometimes about things, like I am suddenly seeing them from a different perspective. I don't get feelings like others do about things when I hold them, but I get a sight or feeling in my mind when I look at things, letting me know this thing is special and deserves another look.

Things are suddenly coming together in strange ways for my family. I know how to look for the signs that shows it as a blessing form the divine, like the overgrown bush of mint in our new yard, where as the old house mint died very early in the year. Mint is always where we live, that is just how it happens.

How do things make an impression on you? How does your intuition hit you?

When the Goddess Welcomes You...

2010-08-20T08:33:00.000-04:00

This is a picture of the Avena Botanical Garden in Rockport, ME

It has been so long since I have posted! In the mean time we have been trying to sell our house and move to a new state. We are currently living in my in-laws house, all four of us in some dingy back room. It is not pretty. Needless to say, I have been quite preoccupied. Moving to a new state and leaving my witchy sisters has been a little difficult for my spiritual development. I have been comforted by finding little hints that other pagans are living amongst everyone else. There is an herbal apothecary in our town, where there is a large and beautiful herbal garden. There is a "farm stand" which specializes in selling alternative foods, that sells all manners of loose herbs and essential oils. At the farmers' market yesterday, a painter was selling her wares and among them were Samhain cards and triple goddess pictures. When I asked this woman about local witches she commented that their were many, but mostly solitary witches.

I take all of these things as signs that I am welcome here, that it is a good place to continue my spiritual awakening. I miss having my mentors to speak with, but maybe there is something special to be learned when relying on your own teachings and experiences. I feel more in tune to the energies of nature here, the goddess speaks to me everyday in small blessings. It is better than living in the city. I even live within walking distance to the coast.

After writing all of that, I realize how much happier I am here in Maine, so close to nature and my own roots. It really is what I want for my children, to grow up in the woods, near the coast, witnessing and respecting nature everyday. I still have a long way to go with my spiritual education and awakening, but that takes a lifetime anyway doesn't it? I hope that all who read this think about their lives and eliminate all things that make you unhappy, even if it means moving to a new state to be closer to family. Every moment in life is precious, don't waste any of it.

Pagan Proud

2010-06-08T20:26:00.001-04:00

I have been very "pagan minded" lately. It has become more of a concentration of mine lately. I am still in the fruitless search for decent pagan music. I like Emerald Rose for who they are, but I can't like a million other bands with the same Celtic sound. Anything that could be good is dated (80s). I just want something of radio quality with a pagan tone. Not ritual music or Celtic. Not heavy metal either. Oh, and it has to be common enough to be at the library so I can listen for free. Tall order, huh? I have taken to researching bands on the radio already, with pagan members. Godsmack is a good example. I would have loved it when I was 16. but in my old age (nearly 26) I have moved away from heavy rock. I like the lyrics because it only alludes to pagan principles, not singing only of pagan issues and such. Do you know any more of these more popular bands?

Yesterday I saw a man, at the gym I work in, who had a pentacle tattoo. He was on his way out and I wanted to yell, "Nice tattoo! I am pagan too!" It just felt so wonderful to see "one of my kind" out in the open. Sheesh, it is not like I am a vampire or something, but you have to admit it can be difficult to spot a witch in normal situations, unless she wears her pentacle out in the open. The only other time I saw witches proud of who they are was in Salem, MA, where nearly everyone is Pagan. Although that town can be a bit of a circus, it does feel welcoming. Maybe this could be true of other groups, like gays and lesbians. Here is a personal story:

When I was in college I dated my first girl. I know, "Gasp, but you are married to a man!" Yes I am bisexual, it is pretty well known within my friends. But anyway, when I first decided to experience these yearnings I found myself easily falling into the rhythms of public affection and such. My girlfriend at the time was a little more aware, not that she minded, but she made me think about how others (straight people) may view us. I found a could care less, but now when I think about it I can imagine what a relief it may be to live somewhere more liberal like San Francisco. I was so excited to see one pagan man walk by me, he wasn't even cute. Hey, maybe his pentacle doesn't mean what I think it does. Maybe he got the tat when he was really drunk and it holds no meaning to him accept not to drink heavily again.

I am really feeling the pull of being openly Pagan. Not that I feel the urge to announce this form rafters or any such nonsense, but I have been searching for a perfect pentacle. I think I have found a design that I like, but I can't bring myself to buy something online. I am the estranged daughter of a jeweler, I have standards. I want something pure and unique. Sometimes I wish I was still in contact with my father, who was a master goldsmith, specializing in custom made jewelry. Although I probably wouldn't trust him enough to make me a Pagan necklace. Oh well. My birthday list is getting longer...

This one is my favorite so far.

How many of you wear a sign of paganism out in the open? Is it the same as wearing a cross? Why or why not?

The Power of Giving

2010-06-01T20:30:00.000-04:00

I read a book that touched me in a business sense and spiritually as well. Please read
The Go-Giver.

This book is, written in a story format, about the value of doing good and giving to others. It points out that even in business we are all people and we need to speak to each other merely person to person. We should always listen more than we speak. We should center conversations around the other person. This book has helped many people in personal relationships as well as business.

I like the give and you shall receive theory they have. When you are focused on getting, you rarely focus on giving. It tells us to give without worry of receiving in return, that these things may follow giving but not how you might expect it. When trying to "sell" one should not try to pump the "prospect" full of info about their product or whatnot, but listen to the needs of the person, and truly try to help them. Try to help them without thought of your work. Even if it is something as simple as suggesting a nice preschool or sending an article that might interest them. They might not be interested in what you are "selling" but if you make a great influence on them, their friends will hear about you.

I put "selling" in quotes because it is not merely about business. We are all "selling" something. My husband is trying the"sell" me on having another child. My daughter is trying to "sell" me the idea of more cookies, all day, every day. We all want people to work with us, for fortunate things to happen to us. Once the focus is taken off of yourself and put into others, great things are able to happen.

This completely sounds like the "Rede" does it not? Threefold laws and such. Pretty much every world religion has a "what comes around goes around" saying. I love thinking that this is true. I hate focusing on myself anyway. How much better would it feel to do great things for other people all of the time? When ever I do even little things for others, it makes me feel happy. I am pumped to help others and influence many. How about you?

In all truth I did not even read The Go Giver. I read the second book Go Givers Sell More, which merely explains the story in the first book. Christopher read the first one so I feel like I have it covered. But please read one or both books, they may help you in any arena of your life. It only took me an afternoon to read the book, it is short and sweet.

Speaking of random kindness, this book made me want to reconnect with old friends and mere acquaintances. So I did so via Facebook. I messaged three people I was genuinely interested in knowing more about. One has responded so far and he is flattered that I have taken time to get to know him better. I enjoy this on a few levels: 1) I love getting mail 2) Because I love mail, I know others do too and that feels good 3) It is so nice to be social as a mother, even if it is to some classmate I barely knew.

Anyone else have any random acts of kindness to share? Any nice new contacts made recently? Any tips for me, I sure would love them. I appreciate all of your kind words and encouragement concerning my prior entries, it means a lot to me to hear from people.

Venture Unveiled!

2010-05-28T13:09:00.000-04:00

www.pleasantlyfit.com

Here is a quick post to those of you still check in on me form time to time. I have officially opened my e-store to the public! It is a place to find some attractive yoga mats, blocks, straps and some Pilates stuff as well. We are trying to keep our niche tight, just into the yoga-pilates crowd for now. But if you have any feedback to give on products or issues with the site, please let me know. If you would like to link it to your blog please do!!!

It has taken WAY more time to set up this shop than I first realized it would. I have learned so much and am still learning a little too much. Our budget is still in the negative so I can't do much with design in the store yet, so it doesn't have a very unique look, like I would have wanted it. Right now I am just hoping it will get some traffic and customers to pay the start up costs for it!

So, Goddess willing, this e-store is my hope out of this mess of a financial crisis we have gotten ourselves into. We are also trying our business hand at opening up a personal training studio with a friend we currently work for. We have been reading all of the books we can find on entrepreneurial business. If you have any to suggest please let me know. We mostly get the audio books from the library and listen to them during our long commutes to work. It has been super helpful to be able to learn on the go, as we haven't much time otherwise.

I missed out on ritual last night, I was working a little too hard to get this store open. I had planned on sending some energy out to the oil crisis in the gulf. It wouldn't have hurt to send a little success energy at this venture! I have some great plans for the coming new moon though. It should make up for my missing the past 3-4 moons.

Some other news, I am down to my realistic goal weight of 124lbs! Last summer I weighed about 145, wearing a size 13 (on a small 5'2"frame remember). I finally fit into most of my clothes again! Now I still have a goal of being "super thin" at about 115lbs for a wedding in July. That was my "unrealistic high school weight" goal. I will settle five pounds less.

Hoping all is well with my cyber friends! May you all be happy and content with what you have, but always strive for more.

Secrets Divulged

2010-04-29T08:49:00.000-04:00

Have you ever noticed that when you are the busiest, you feel the most useful and fulfilled? Yes, I would rather be a little less busy and have time for more of my pleasurable things, like blogging and crafting. What I am getting at is this: I have been too busy to blog due to my new business venture. Yes I have finally taken the plunge and registered our new business. We are incorporated and hopefully within the next 6 days we will have an internet sales business underway. I will not disclose the website yet, but soon my friends. Please do not be alarmed of my long blogging absences. They only mean I am busy with life.

I am not mistaken when starting this business. I know the risks and the possible outcomes. It is something I have a little more control over than I might in the "job market". I would appreciate all of the positive thinking you have on this subject, and none of the negative. As a Pagan, I know the power of optimism in one's life. I listened to an audio book called, Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway. It spoke of fear as a healthy and natural emotion that we cannot get rid of, but must acknowledge and move on. Some fears are rational and keep us from harm, but many are irrational and keep us from living.

I am super excited to be starting our own business. It is something that must have been staring us in the face for a while. We have read so many books leading up to this thought. Everything in our lives has prepared us for this moment. When I did my three rituals asking for success and prosperity, I was a little deflated when nothing was handed to me. A month later (as these things often take a moon cycle to happen) I finally saw a clue. The book, Four Hour Work Week by Timothy Ferriss, was my ticket out of poverty. My husband had been reading it for weeks, telling me I really should read it too. I am not into reading all of these business books like he is, I often get bored of that topic. I read one page of this book (right in the middle of it) and couldn't stop reading. It all made too much sense to me. I definitely recommend it for anyone, but will say that it won't work for everyone. Some people are suited to certain lifestyles. The only thing keeping me thinking that it is for me, is that I can identify with the author so much, we have the same learning styles it seems.

I have no delusions about this business. I know that there is a very real chance that we will only lose money, or just break even. There is also the undeniable fact that we may succeed. This venture may be the beginning of so many more that fund the life that we dream of. At this point our dreams are so vivid, we will not settle for merely making it. We will strive toward the success we can nearly taste, we can see it, just off in the distance. This attempt will succeed, no matter how long it takes.

Take risks, learn from mistakes. Life is meant to be lived.

My Sincere Salutations to Spring!

2010-04-07T20:19:00.000-04:00

With the arrival of Spring comes many new opportunities for our family. The thing about opportunity is that you have to make sure that you take advantage of it. The Great Goddess may put many great things right there in front of you, waiting for you to do your part and go for it, but if you are blind to them, they were merely opportunities missed. I truly believe that we see things when we are ready to see them. We are given some opportunities multiple times, but we may have only noticed them the third time around. I am banking on the thought that I am witnessing so many opportunities now because I am ready to take advantage of them, ready to make them successes.

Completely unrelated to that thought, funny thing. At work, our local YMCA (it is a Christian Association for a reason), there were so many people talking about Easter and how they celebrate it. There is an Indian woman (fresh from India, 2 years ago) that was wondering what the meaning of the eggs and such were. One of the mothers replied that the egg symbolizes the rebirth of Christ. Then the woman nodded and said, "What about the bunny?" The other woman had no idea. I chose this time to chime in with something along the lines of, "Since Easter is based on a Pagan celebration for Spring that predates Christianity, the rabbit and egg symbolize fertility." I added in some other non-specific info, so as to not give myself away, but the women were both like "Wow! I never knew that!" That felt good.

I celebrated Ostara with my coven, as you may already know. But I still chose to celebrate Easter with my family. This is how we did it: The night before I was cutting out about 50 stickers and making trinkets out of yarn and filling plastic eggs with this stuff. About 32 eggs in all, for my two and a half year old daughter. We hid them all over the house that night. We woke up early in the morning to find them. I gave her an old wicker basket that had been kicking around the house, decorated with pink ribbon and a pretty piece of sheer pink fabric on the bottom. After the egg hunt we planted our seeds in our makeshift containers (ie: egg cartons, milk jug, tin can, shoe box, mushroom container). We cleaned up and made a picnic lunch and headed to a local park. After lunch we walked around the park discovering flowers and streams. My husband said, "I can honestly say that I have never had an Easter dinner like that!" I loved it. A true celebration of spring, with out commercial holiday extras, no candy. Perfect.

I feel a very busy time in my life approaching in these next few weeks. Please know that I haven't quit blogging (in the event of a large gap), just trying to take advantage of all of the opportunities the Great Goddess has placed out for us.

Blessings of Spring to All!!

Too Many Questions

2010-03-29T19:05:00.000-04:00

Here is a question for the masses: What do you do when you are feeling off? Let me elaborate slightly. This past weekend we were able to go into town and get some shopping done. We hadn't had any "retail therapy" in quite some time. Those stores really tuckered us all out. Then on Sunday I had a meeting with my coven for our 6th moon lesson. It was the most fun lesson yet but I found myself feeling withdrawn, almost held back. I have been very snippy with my family and very aloof at work. It feels like I am locked up inside myself and I am being held captive by some sloth-like energy. Also, I started my period on Saturday as well. I know most off you may chalk it up as that, but it really feels like something different.

I am hoping that one of you will have some insight as to what may be going on with me and some possible solutions? I also emailed some of my witchy elders to see if they felt any different energy from me this weekend, in hopes of a diagnosis.

Thank you all for your valuable insights and open mindedness!

On another stream of consciousness, I have had a chant stuck in my head lately. It is actually the second verse only and I have no clue why I can't keep it out of my head lately. It goes like this:

"Earth, Air, Fire and Sea

You are inside and all around me"

Has anyone heard this one before? My coven and I sang it on Ostara the other week. I just found it odd that I have it in my head now. Maybe it is trying to tell or remind me of something?

As my head seems to be lost somewhere, in a place that makes it doubt and wonder too much, I shall draw this questioning post to a close. Any answers would be great!

Dry Blessings to those who may be having troubles with flooding!

Belated Ostara

2010-03-25T19:24:00.000-04:00

Have you ever meditated outside? On Sunday I went with my coven, to celebrate Ostara last Sunday, to a local park. We hiked a couple minutes into the woods and found a nice circular clearing to work our ritual. It was so nice, albeit a little chilly, but such good energy flowing about. One of the women lead a Spring meditation that was just wonderful. As soon as I closed my eyes it was like I was instantly in a trance state. Usually it takes minutes of cooling my mind down to get ready for such deepness. In this clearing it seemed that nature did most of the work. My only complaint is that among all of the noises present outside, her voice was difficult to tune into with so many distractions. Has anyone else ever found any of this to be true?

After our Ostara celebration each woman had something special and magickal to relate about their experience. One could feel the ground pulsing with energy, one could feel the energies of the watchtowers, and I felt the wind answer my questions. It was a wonderful ritual. During our "Cakes and Ale", of lemon poppy seed muffins and pomegranate juice, a couple walked by us all, sitting in a circle laughing and eating. They missed our chanting by about 5 minutes! It was just wonderful.

Anyone else have any happy Ostara memories/stories to share?

Following life's winding road

2010-03-23T18:38:00.000-04:00

There are so many different possible ways the future can map itself out. It can overwhelm me to acknowledge all of my hopes and dreams for me and my family. Right now it feels as if we are at a crossroads of sorts. A time when so many choices surround us, I just want to choose them all. I keep telling myself that I have my whole life to live out so many different lives. I think the thing that I need to focus on right now more than anything is giving my children the best possible childhood. That may seem obvious in itself, but there are many ways to even go about that.

One thing that I have done to make their lives better is to eliminate negative influences. When Estella was only a week old my step mother (with a prior history of evil) called her ugly and demanded that my father leave the child alone. They left after only spending 20 minutes with their first grandchild. Later on they said they didn't want to see me anymore. Then they apologized (read as: blamed me for everything) and I wrote a long letter separating my evil step mother forever from my life, never to see my children again. My father chose her over me and his only family. It sounds sad but I think it is part of the turning point in my life (the first part was meeting my husband). Only good things have come from divorcing my emotionally abusive family. Since then I have been exceptionally choosy when accepting new family members for my children. I now have "adoptive parents" (not legally) in my friend's parents. I have known them since I was in Kindergarten. They are wonderful grandparents. I am also very thankful that my in laws are as wonderful as they are.

I eagerly await another change (which will go unmentioned) which should happen this month. Something that will eliminate another bad influence from my children. All of this gets me deep into thoughts of the future. My children's future. There is so much at stake.

Have a "Green" Period!

2010-03-17T18:10:00.001-04:00

Who has heard of a menstrual cup? I hadn't, prior to a few months ago. I have always wanted a way to get away from those manipulating "feminine hygiene" companies. I thought of going sea sponge, which acts like a tampon only you have to wash it out in the sink. This would have been fine if I never left the house, as I couldn't see myself rinsing out my sponge in a public bathroom. Then a witchy friend of mine mentioned the Diva Cup (a menstrual cup produced in the US and sold in markets like Whole Foods), and I knew I had found out more.

As I feverishly researched these menstrual cups, I found about seven or so brands out there. Each seems to have come from a different country. To research them yourself, please go to this site. When I found the cup company I thought would suit me, I chose Lunette.

This is my review on the Lunette Cup

I opened the discreet packaging with my excited hands. The cup came in a yellow silky bag inside of another, larger, plastic bag. It came with detailed instructions. I ordered the larger sized cup because I have had two children and heavy periods. The cup is clear, made of medical-grade silicone.

When my period finally came, I popped this sucker in and tried it out gleefully. It has a flat stem on the end that aides in pulling it out, if needed. I cut mine off because it hung down and was uncomfortable. At first I felt pressure when it was in, making me feel as if I needed to urinate. I also noticed that I was leaking a bit. I read the directions again and decided this was due to misplacement. I just had to change the angle a little bit. Once I perfected the angle (this took some time and patience), no leaks and no more pressure! The best thing about this product is that it can stay in all day, unless your flow is heavy. I usually dump mine about 2-3 times a day. I can sleep without wearing pads! I love this little cup.

When you want to empty it you gently pull it out (by the stem or by the bottom of the cup) while pushing it out with your muscles. Once it gets to the opening of your vagina, just squeeze it a little to slip it out. Empty contents into the toilet and rinse it out. If you are in a public bathroom you can simply wipe it out instead. After every period just stick in boiling water to disinfect it and put it back in its little bag for next time. These cups last 5-10 years! So it is well worth the price ($39 on the Lunette site) as you are saving so much when you don't have to spend money on disposable methods.

I have been using my cup for the last three months, I love it! I used it the other day when I was having a heavy (but normal) discharge. I put it in during the morning and completely forgot it was there until the next day! Ooops! That is where it beats the modern tampon. Not only is it completely comfortable but you can put it in whenever you want, it doesn't hurt to take out as it doesn't leave you feeling dry.

There are two sizes, Model 1 and Model 2. As you can see, there is a slight size difference. I have the one on the right or Model 2. It holds more and is a little wider than Model 1. They are both made of flexible silicone with grips on the ends. Model 1 is less firm (more squishy) so it is helpful for younger girls with smaller anatomies as well as for women with lower cervixes that may be sensitive. There are 4 tiny holes near the lip of the cup. These holes aide in creating a safe suction in the vagina. Cups without holes may create too much suction in the cup. The cup will leak once the blood reaches these holes and must be emptied at this time. This has only happened to me once.

Some quick FAQs:

Will it dry me out? No, "It does not disrupt the natural lubricating ability of the vagina, does not interfere with its natural process of discharging along with menstrual blood dead cells and bacteria; nor does it dry the vaginal mucus membrane. That is why it is a more sanitary alternative to disposable tampons and sanitary towels."

Can I wear it while swimming? Yes! "The Lunette™ menstrual cup can be worn during sports such as swimming, riding a bike or a horse."

Why is it the "green" alternative to traditional menstrual products? Because it you don't have to throw it out for 5-10 years. It doesn't get flushed or sent to a landfill to sit for years before breaking down to its bare chemicals. Just think about all of the pads and tampons you have thrown out over the years. Getting rid of that is a major help for the environment!

Can the cup fall out? "The cup is held in position by the seal formed with the walls of the vagina and by pressure from the vaginal muscles."

I have really heavy periods, is the cup going to work for me? "The Lunette menstrual cup can be worn at any time in your menstrual cycle, during your heaviest and your lightest flow. The cup can hold 3 times more liquid than tampons or pads..."

These were just a few questions and answers that I got from the Lunette Site, which is chock-full of information about this product and its use. All quoted material came from this site.

In conclusion to this review, I not only fully recommend this product to all menstruating women out there, but I swear that I will never go back to disposables again! If you all have any questions at all please leave me a comment or you can use my email if you would rather be more discreet.

Embrace the way we were made. We are beautiful and powerful just as nature intended.

{The Lunette site will be changing its look a little within the next few weeks. They will also be rolling out some new cups (each named after Goddesses of course). The Selene will be a blue cup and the Diana will be green. Please note that the coloring used in these cups are FDA approved not to leach into the body, unlike some competitor brands.}

Open You Eyes and You Will See

2010-03-15T19:39:00.000-04:00

Estella and me hiking recently

The rain feels nice. I can feel it saturating my skin, leaving me feel new. I love Spring for all of the rain it brings, leaving the grounds lush and green, making the air scented with earth, calling all animals forth to drink. It has been raining in MA for the past week. Tomorrow (and the rest of the week) will be into the 50-60 degree mark. Is Spring really here this early or is it tricking us, hiding a snow storm under its sleeve? Either way, I am thoroughly enjoying this weather.

For so many months I have been begging the Goddess for a sign, a hint of what the heck I can do to get my family out of poverty. Feeling discouraged, I saw nothing, felt no presence. It was only last week that I realized my solution had been staring me in the face for about a month. I feel like a cad for not realizing it sooner and for feeling abandoned by the divine. It was all in a book that my husband was reading. A book that he was trying to get me to read for about a month. I read it last week and now I know what I have to do, what I have the power to do.

Last night I drew some tarot cards for myself. They were completely dead-on and pointed toward great success. They also warned of greed (as anyone would with great success). I feel like being as poor as we have been breeds greed. Almost as if we cannot think of anyone but ourselves because we are focusing on surviving. This is only half true. I am completely selfless when it comes to my children. When we do not have enough money for food, I gladly go without. I have cut out so much snacking during the week so that we can stretch our fruit for our growing children, who surely need it more.

I cannot imagine being greedy after such a humbling period in our lives. Begging for food, receiving gifts but unable to give, it is so tough. I am so sick of receiving (although infinitely grateful), I just want to give so much. Not only to those friends and family members that helped us out, but to others. Not faceless charities, but to families directly. I don't want other families to suffer as we had, especially for so long.

Listen to me, I am acting as though I am nearly a millionaire! Not close at all, but my mindset is nearly there. That is step one!

I am hoping that you all fair well during this wet weather.

Dry Blessings!

{I purposely am leaving the book title out of this post. I don't want to jinx myself! All will be revealed in time.}

Back to the Blogging World!

2010-03-14T10:17:00.000-04:00

I have missed my wonderful insightful readers! I have changed my URL back to this one, despite some threatening comments. I am hoping that my heightened security will have put a stop to that, but by changing my URL back to the old one, gained my readers back.

So if you can hear me, let me know!

I have some fun posts to roll out this week and I just want to make sure you can all hear me! I have missed you all!

{Please leave a comment, even if it is only a brief "hi", just to let me know who is out there}

Back to the Drawing Board!

2010-03-14T10:10:00.000-04:00

I will be switching my address back to the old one today. I had too much loss in readership, too much hardwork down the drain. I miss my experienced witches! I have only a few readers on this new URL and hope that they will follow me back to:

http://irisawakened.blogspot.com

Let's hope this works!

My Familiar?

2010-02-24T19:47:00.000-05:00

I try to keep this blog purely spiritual, which means that sometimes I lack something to say. I feel that I go in and out of spiritual moods. Shouldn't I always have something to ponder onto this keyboard though? I am constantly thinking about different witchy revelations, what is stopping me from posting about them? Sometimes I think I hold myself to impossibly high standards.

Does anyone have experience or knowledge about familiars? I really need to start researching that aspect more, because I feel this bond forming as my intuition and perception grow. My cat, Norma, we know each other on another level. Let me tell you a story.

When my husband and I first moved in together I told him I needed to have a pet. At the time I was working at Petco washing dogs for minimum wage. Not glamorous, but pleasant enough. We were not allowed to have pets in our building, unless they were contained. So I told my husband that if I couldn't have a cat, I would get a rat from work. After all I could get a great discount! He was alright with the idea, knowing that I needed a pet and knowing that we couldn't have anything larger.

The night before we planned on getting our new pet rat I blurted out, "I need a cat. I don't want a rat. It has to be a cat. Please!" Which I think he was slightly relieved to hear but still didn't want to get evicted. So I told him that if we get two cats they would keep each other company and wouldn't meow while we were gone. I our tiny apartment. He actually agreed!

We went to work trying to adopt a cat from the local shelter but couldn't because they were super thorough and needed to call the landlord first. Instead we visited a friend with some kittens, free kittens. There were only three left. We walked into the room with out loud winter coats. I kept trying to pick them up, but they were all to frightened. I felt horrible. Then I picked up this kitten who looked like the others (gray tabby) but had smudges of orange all over. She laid down and relaxed in my arms. I knew she was mine.

Fast forward about 5 years and here we are. As I started to discover my witchy path, Norma started to realize our connection, or at least my attention to this connection. She had always been super loyal to me, but this was different. She would get into my lap when I read my witchy books (not other reading) and would have to be nearby when I was meditating. One of the biggest things is this feeling that we are sharing a wavelength. I can understand what she means and I think she knows when I need her. She has taken to sleeping by my side in bed. Never on my husband's side, my side. I just get this feeling from her.

What do you think? Please tell me all about your experiences. Even the ones with your regular pets.

Forrested Family

2010-02-23T16:07:00.000-05:00

I love this picture! It portrays how happy my family is when they are surrounded by nature. It really brings out all of their best qualities. My husband is very secure in his masculinity and would never make me wear the hiking pack (or baby carrier) merely out of insecurity.

New Template and Healing Magick!

2010-02-17T19:49:00.000-05:00

Yes! I finally changed that old template. I know most of you liked the old owl one, and I would have been fine with it too if I could have changed the coloring. I settled on a slightly generic one that I could customize more. I having really been feeling the color blue lately, so here it is!

My children and I have had this week off for February vacation. It does seem to go by quite quickly! It snowed yesterday, thank goodness. My 2 year old daughter has been begging to go out and play in the snow, since her Grammy got her new snow pants. There hasn't been much snow this winter, so she doesn't get to go out and play as often as she would like. She had a lot of fun playing out in the snow today though, let me tell you!

One of the women from my coven copied the meditation CDs from Penczak's Inner Temple of Witchcraft series. My husband relented to do one of the guided meditations with me last night. I never realized how much I have improved, until I saw my husband fumbling to sit comfortably. Poor guy, I think we will be better prepared to try it next time. I think he liked it, especially since he is health conscientious and knows this to be a very helpful thing for one's health. We spoke about the difficulty of visualization and about how nice it is to just sit and relax for a half hour. I am so glad that he decided to do that with me, I finally get to share some of this good stuff with him!

Over the weekend we went to my in-law's house for a birthday. While there we ate rich foods that our stomachs have not had the privilege of eating in a very long time. On Sunday morning my husband awoke early and spent the entire morning groaning on my in-law's couch. I came down to see why he hadn't made it back to bed (as morning cuddle sessions are the highlights of my mornings), only to find him in agony. His stomach was hurting fiercely. He had eaten too much milk the day before (from the "shrimp stew" which is basically shrimp, butter and heavy cream) and it was making him sick. We were supposed to leave that afternoon for home (4 hour ride), but not if he was sick! Later on, during my MIL birthday dinner (lasagna), I started to feel queasy too. We both laid down on his grandmother's bed together to try to recuperate before the ride home (in an hour). At this point I was only slightly queasy. My husband was still really sick. So I took it upon myself, unexperienced witch that I am, to heal him. I put my receiving hand on his chest and focused on sucking out all of the nausea and sickness. I did this for about a minute, really feeling the energy traveling through my arm. When I was done I put my power sending hand over his head and focused sleeping energy on him.

Now, even though I felt the power myself, I didn't expect him to feel anything or be affected. I was wrong. As I cuddled down to him I was already getting much queasier. I asked him something but he was already fast asleep! When he woke up he asked what I had done to him. He told me that as soon as I had my hand over him, he felt his nausea lifting. By the time I had finished he has felt 80% better! I told him what I had meant to do and he was impressed and I think a little proud. Unfortunately I did end up taking the sickness into myself instead of sending it away or turning it into something else. I was very sick for the whole car ride and the whole next day. He was fine for the car ride.

I did magick!!!

If you have any healing stories or tips, I would be very thankful to hear about it!

Here and There

2010-02-12T07:50:00.000-05:00

Hey all! It has been a while since I have blogged, but for good reason. I have been a little uninspired by my current template and have been feverishly looking for something that better reflects who I am this time of the year. It has been difficult. Also I had a person come onto my site and bash me, so I had to change the address slightly. If you are reading this, you obviously are either a follower or a good friend. Please help me out by telling people about my new address [http://iris-awakened.blogspot.com]. I have updated my button on the sidebar, so that it will take you to this address. Sorry about the mix-up!

Yesterday felt like a magickal day, although no one thing made it that way. Just the way things happened all day, nothing extremely good, but nothing bad. A few good coincidences that made me smile. I have been enjoying making things by hand. Things we would normally buy at the store like, mustard and hamburger buns. We have made both at home, and with ease! There is something rewarding when you quit relying on the same products at the store and make your own. I am in charge of the ingredients.

As I said earlier, I have been feeling uninspired. I am enveloped into my own mind, unable to express my thoughts clearly. I want so badly to just be magickal, even though I know that it takes, practice, dedication and time to make any magickal headway. I am determined to apply myself this coming week. Tell me about your trials and tribulations concerning witch work. What was it like for you in the beginning?

Blood Magic- Hot Book Review

2010-01-27T19:16:00.000-05:00

I just read a great book! Sometimes these books find me, and this one certainly did! At work there is this book shelf that people drop off books they don't want anymore. I constantly cruise that shelf for good free books, I have found a few good ones. Many romance novels. I saw this book and it immediately was something I knew I needed to have. It is called Blood Magic by Jennifer Lyon. At first I thought it had something to do with vampires, as I adore them. I was wrong.

This book starts out with the main girl, Darcy, who was always the outsider in her hometown. Even her own father didn't like her and would lock her up in closets throughout her childhood. Her father and uncle had started a funeral home business and when they died she took over and brought it from the brink of bankruptcy to a booming business. Anyway, throughout the beginning we see that she is special but regarded as evil by the townsfolk. During her mother's funeral, at the gravesite she sees this very evil looking man with vivid green eyes and an unnaturally feminine appearance. He says that he has come for her and she hears a voice, "Run!" Needless to say the book starts off running.

The other main character, Axel, owns a club called Axel of Evil where dangerous men hang out to score with willing women. From the beginning we can see that not everything is the way it seems in this club. There is much talk about feeling the need to kill and the only way to assuage these primal urges is with the other primal urge, sex.

Basically this book involves two sides, the witches and witch hunters who used to live in harmony together, helping one another. But 30 years ago some demon witches cast a spell that made the witch hunters, who were made to protect earth witches from the demons and demon witches, crave witch blood (this craving is called bloodlust) and sex. It makes the aforementioned partnership nearly impossible, so severing the harmonious relationship and putting all earth witches in danger of being sliced open for their blood.

I am really trying not to ruin the book for you, but wow, it was good. Aside from the supernatural type witches that exist in this book, it is quite accurate with the rituals that are held and information on chakras. It was beyond hot and steamy and had me tunring the pages all night long. I seriously didn't put it down until I finished it. It is the first book in a series (of which there are two books so far) so watch out, it is addictive!

I do not usually do book reviews but this one was perfect for me and you all deserve to know about its hot, romantic, witchy, suspenseful release it gives. Just wonderful.

A gift for the barren earth.

2010-01-17T13:45:00.000-05:00

Thank you all for your ideas and suggestions! I think that the ritual went very well and may have been my best and most effective yet. The only problem with the ritual actually happened today. Part of my spell is to bury the contents into the earth, something I did not think through very well as it is winter in New England. I just came back from trying to hack through the frozen earth and after about five minutes of hacking I called it good. A hole about and inch down. I dumped the spell materials into the hole and as the soil was just bits of frozen earth mixed with snow, I covered my hole with dirt-tinged snow. My only worry resides with animals finding the contents or when the snow melts, but it is nature's way. I trust it will be fine.

My ritual brought dreams that made sense. Something about my bathing suit that made no sense in dreamland, makes perfect sense now. I honored the goddess Danu, who happens to be a river goddess. I recall how moody I would get in the winter months and all would subside once I was in my element: water. Maybe I feel so down lately because of this, maybe I need to swim. I haven't been swimming for years now, so this would make sense to me. As a mother there is not much time for me to go swimming on my own and really attune with the element as I used to do. So I took the first step today, I tried on my swimsuits. They do not look good, but I do fit into them (barely).

I began an 8 week running program from Runner's World this past week. It involves taking a walking break from running, which seemed like a waste of time to me. I am not getting up at 4:30 in the morning to go to the gym and walk for 30 minutes, it just didn't seem right. I am doing well with the running (this from someone who hates running and has very short legs). Now that I have stumbled upon this swimming revelation I will take those 'walk days' and make them 'swim days'. It seems like the perfect substitute, being something that I love and something that is great for your body in many ways.

While I was meditating I saw a hawk. Rather, I became a hawk and flew around the blue sky outside of my inner temple. It was quick but I got the message. I need to continue reading my Animal Guides book and take some time to research the hawk and its significance. Do any of you have totem animals? If so tell me a little about them.

Spell Work Questions...

2010-01-16T15:39:00.000-05:00

How do you feel about the "Law of Correspondences"? I re-read an article about it and feel as if I understand it more now than before. I think that when I first started out (a mere 4 months ago) I thought that it was more to trick your mind. I had read The Inner Temple of Witchcraft and wondered why people didn't just do everything with their minds. I am now understanding that even if you can do it all with your mind, you may have stronger results when you have a physical representation or correspondence with the work you wish to be doing. Yes it fires up your mind a little more and helps with focus, but it also completes a circuit. As above, so below.

Danu, Celtic Mother Goddess

I was researching many correspondences last night for a working I hope to do tonight. One goddess I felt akin with was the Celtic mother goddess, Danu. Have you heard of her? The information I found about her was sparse online, so I would appreciate any extra info you might have about her. As far as I could tell, she is a river goddess, a mother goddess, Queen of the Sidhe (or faery folk), fertility (goes along with the mothering aspect I suppose), abundance and prosperity. I really feel something when I think about her, very familiar.

Another question to put out to all of you reading this, do you write your own chants and spells? I know that spells are said to be more powerful if they are from your own creation. What about chants? I have only done one real spell, a working done with ribbon, so I am not sure what other types of spells are out there. I refuse to study them because I do not want to infiltrate my mind with other spells. It is a little bit of a catch-22 I guess. I have written a pleasant chant and will write a decent spell, but the physical aspect of the spell eludes me. I do not want to go the ribbon route again. This is a spell I will do three times (now, next week and again on the full moon) to ensure strength. If you have any ideas I will appreciate them, even if I do not get them in time, I could use them for next time.

I wish all of you a warm and peaceful night during our waxing moon phase. May all of your magick during this phase be full of power and truth.

Like a Pheonix Rising!

2010-01-10T18:58:00.000-05:00

First off, I want to thank you all for giving such great advice and warm wishes. I love the support of this online community! I am feeling much more balanced at this time. Sometimes my woes get the best of me and sometimes my good mood conquers all.

I have started reading Animal Speak by Ted Andrews. My mentor reccomended it for me, to be prepared for our next meeting. This book gives insight into animal totems and using animal magick and how to connect with your animal guides. I am only part way through so I cannot give an apt description yet. At first I was not feeling like I wanted to read it but once I started it, things began to make sense. It began to draw me in with talk of finding your main animal totem. Animal totems come to you when you need to use one or more of their powers or characteristics. He says that you may have one or two totems that stick with you for life and some that come to you when you need them. What knowledge could you share on this topic?

I visited with my mentor today. I went over there at 10am to cover some things I had felt a little behind with. I didn't leave until 1pm (Patriots play then). We covered so much! The first thing that we did was use a guided meditation by Christopher Penczak to find our "Inner Temples". I loved the guided meditation! It was so much easier than thinking up my own journey. It was a 30 minute meditation and I felt like I really accomplished something! She made some copies of his CDs with the meditations on them for me to take home the next time we meet. I would definitely recommend these to anyone, especially anyone just starting out with meditation. They are called The Inner Temple of Witchcraft and I would also recommend getting the book to go with it if you are really serious. I loved the book and it will be my first purchase when I get the funds.

At the end of our meeting she gave me a bunch of stuff! She gifted me a Llewellyn 2010 Witches Almanac, a collection of stick incense, a pentagram incense holder and a beautiful blue porcelain chalice with a pentacle on it. She is so generous to me, it makes me feel so loved already. I feel this bond with her, like she is an older sister, teaching me the ways. I am just so grateful to have such a giving, selfless, caring mentor.

I have much to read and much to discover about myself. I know that I have to power to turn my family's struggles around, I know it. I just need to find out how I am going to do it. Again, thank you all for your guidance, it is so appreciated!

{PS: Anyone have any leads on finding a great, new, free blogger template? Let me know!}

Downer Dreams

2010-01-08T14:54:00.000-05:00

My dreams have been trying to tell me something lately. Night before last I dreamed that I was going back to work and was dropping my 8 month old off at some random office of which a friend supposedly worked. When it came time to pick him up again, I couldn't remember where I had dropped him off, I felt guilty for having gone back to work and irresponsible for not even paying attention to whom I gave him. This dream was odd because I haven't gone back to work in that sense. I bring my children with me to the half-day day care center at a YMCA. This dream helped me remember that I could possibly go back to work full time to help out my struggling family.

Last night I had a dream that was all over the place! I will not describe it all but let me just mention some of its themes. It touched on my insecurities with my ten pounds I have yet to lose since having my son. I feel less of a person than my peers because I was unable to finish college and because I never had a supportive family. It also featured a high school boyfriend of mine getting it on with my best friend! Also something to do with everyone having babies at the same time but I was the only one who did it best. I felt left out of everyone's fortunate times (babies, graduation, sex), I also felt ashamed that I had this child to look after and no way of helping out my family. Wow, this dream really was all over the place. As you may be able to tell, I have been in a negative state of mind lately. This dream featured all of my worries and insecurities. I am trying to learn from this dream. Learn that my husband loves me and my ten extra pounds. That I will have time to achieve that degree someday. That my children are blessings, not anchors in poverty. I know that I need to stop comparing my life to others' lives. I need to realize that everyone has troubles in different ways. Stop being jealous!

Those were pretty personal and sensitive topics to share. There are a few more themes to both of those dreams, that I do not have the patience to list. I feel like I am making my way up this hill, a very tough hill indeed. When I get to the top I will have figured out what I need to do to make these troubles go away, or at least deal with them better. I am starting to fight back, starting to climb this hill-turned-mountain. I see a few tough spots that I still need to find out how to get past. I need to do so much but I also need to be there for my children. I need to be able to help them develop their basics like a good mother should. Part of me is so hung up on our poverty that I feel like I am completely inept in everything. Ah, times are tough. We have been too poor for too long. We need to find our way out of this depressing hole.

Sorry about the complete downer of an entry. Have you faced tough times (of course you have)? How can I use my witchiness to help me out of it? I have lit a green candle but do not want to waste anymore unless I know how to use them properly. I also wonder if my negative thoughts are just undoing all of my proactive work? I have heard of this happening. So let me put it out there to all of you, what would you do in my situation (aside from mundane solutions)? Have any of you expreince with poverty and getting out of it?

May you all enjoy your Friday night and have a safe and comforting weekend.

Mentors and Meditation

2010-01-06T19:15:00.000-05:00

My husband's birthday was yesterday. Since we have no money (this is not news to most of you) I had to get creative with my gift for him. I made a "Hint Hunt" throughout our home. I placed 8 cryptic hints over 1400 square feet of space, each one leading to the next. Each one also came with a reward for finding it, a coupon. These coupons are priceless as they are things like "Sports Day: A day when you can watch all of the sports you want, without nag;" "Morning Glory: The perfect morning complete with sleep in (kiddos taken care of) and breakfast of choice" and "Chore: A pass to get out of any chore for one day". I had fun making them and may regret it when he starts redeeming them.

Now, back to the witchy side of life! What are your thoughts on meditation? Some feel it comes hand in hand with being witchy, some feel like it is not necessary. What are your thoughts? I am meeting with my mentor from my coven to work on some things I am lacking in. We will cover some energy topics, like auras and sending light. We will also work on meditations. She is like a mediation guru (in my opinion) so I am glad that she volunteered to help me catch up with our experienced group. I will be meeting with her on Sunday for a couple of hours. This time will be wonderful for me and all of my questions. Usually when we meet I feel a little guilty holding up the group with my questions (while some questions are good, lots are a little overboard). Do you or have you had a witchy mentor to help you out? If so tell me about them! I love hearing about other's Pagan roots. How did everyone get started?

I found a cool blog the other day, Pagan Dad, if you haven't heard of it already. He blogs about Paganism for families. I love the information he provides. He feels so passionately about his topic, it is fun to drop in and learn something! I didn't find a button on his blog so I thought I would mention him in a post. So pop on over to his site and cruise around a little!

I hope you all feel my warm blessings for you on such a cold day!

Fumbling in the Candle Light

2009-12-31T11:05:00.000-05:00

I am excited about the approaching blue moon. It will be the first I will experience as a witch. I am still trying to figure out what I should do for my ritual on this day. I think as a newbie it can be difficult to begin doing rituals. It is something that I am not used to doing every month and takes some thought to compose. Has anyone else felt like this when they started out?

I think that I sometimes get so worried over form, I fumble with the actual intent part, which we all know matters more than form! I keep telling myself that with experience will come ease with rituals. I know that I need to keep fumbling through these rituals so that I can learn how to get better. This is also proving to be true within my coven. We are five women coming together from all aspects of life. I am the only actual new witch, the least experienced. Sometimes I like being a clean slate, so I may learn from everyone else. Other times I would enjoy not slowing down the whole group because I have never done anything before.

Sometimes it can be so much fun discovering all of this Pagan stuff for the first time. I love feeling like my whole view of the world has changed with each new tidbit. I love finally having a proper explanation for things that I have always thought or felt. I love feeling like I finally belong, like I finally believe in something. So many years being cornered by Christian folks and even Islam people, they always assumed I was either like them or I believed in nothing. It was too difficult to explain what I did believe in, so I left them uncorrected. But now I feel like I can easily define my beliefs and even know people who feel the same! It is just amazing some days.

I heard a band yesterday on another gal's blog and I fell in love with them! The band is called Emerald Rose, have you heard about them? Wow I just love their style and lyrics! If you visit their site they have some sample songs and a lyrics page. They are from Georgia but are considered Irish Folk Rock in genre, I think. You can check them out on You Tube to see some of their other songs. Among my favorites are: Pagan Girl, Fire in the Head, Merry May Folk, Santa Claus is Pagan, Loch Lomond (Irish Classic). You really should check them out if you haven't yet, they are just wonderful!

I hope that this New Year's Eve is finding you all happily and ready for the new year ahead. I hope your Blue Moon goes along magickally and may the divine continue to surprise us all!

Time of the Month

2009-12-29T13:25:00.000-05:00

My goodness, what a long break from blogging! The holidays were busy and fun. I am enjoying the peace now though. I met with my group for our 3rd Moon meeting and discussed "Other Beings" like faeries, elementals, ghosts, etc. It was a lot of information to take in at one time and I am still a little dizzy. Sometimes I feel a little unprepared for our sessions once they begin. It is tough being the only newbie in the game!

While I was there I got my period and was unprepared. I excused myself and made do with some toilet paper until we were done with our meeting. I then asked the hostess if she had anything for me. She said something like, "I usually use my Diva Cup but yesterday I felt the need to buy some pads just in case." This phrase caught my attention. Not only was it neat that she bought some just at the right time, but another thing caught my attention. What the heck was a Diva Cup?

Once I was at home I researched this thing, this Diva Cup. It is a menstrual cup. Has anyone else had experience with these? I researched all of the different brands all day yesterday and concluded with one brand, Lunette. I enjoy this brand name because it means "little moon" in French, but also because it was rated so highly on another site. I have written the company to see if they would mind sending me one to review and do a giveaway. What are your thoughts on this?

So I am crampy and tired this week. I am glad that I have off from work! I have been able to get some things done and hit some sales. I bought the Llewelyn 2010 Witches' Calendar at Barnes and Noble today for $6.99, which is half price. We had a gift card so this worked out for me.

I hope you all had blessed holidays and safe travel!

Love of Procrastination

2009-12-20T11:10:00.000-05:00

My son, Sebastian (random photo op)

My goodness, it has been busy this week! I haven't even had time to cruise blogs, let alone write in my own. I am actually procrastinating a bit this morning and instead of using this time to finish up my presents, I choose to blog.

As I may have wrote previously, I am making all of my gifts this year, just I had last year. It is a tradition I think I will continue, well into the time when we gain appropriate financial wealth. I enjoy making things and seeing the reaction of the recipient when they receive something homemade and useful just makes me feel wondrous. Usually it is something that I could buy for a significant amount more than what I paid for the materials. I like being creative by using favorite colors and maybe something more. This year I have delved into my sewing capabilities and also my embroidering follies.

I have made six aromatherapy rice packs and still have two to go. I have also made a stuffed bunny for Sebastian (which includes a homemade rattle on the inside and scented rice in the ears) and last night I made Estella a reversible apron. I still have some finishing touches to make on both, but they are only minutes from being finished. As they are my first attempts, I find them a little disappointing. The bunny has very strange proportions and the apron looks nice but I am having some trouble making the strings! I will post some pictures once I get around to finishing my projects (hopefully today).

My coven's Yule celebration was canceled today because of the snowstorm we are receiving. I was disappointed but a little relieved that I will have that extra time to work on the gifts. I enjoy the snow at this time of the year though. Even if it does make it difficult to go about daily errands and Yule celebrations. It lies serenely on the ground and gets kicked up by my little frisky dog and daughter. Estella is very excited about playing in the snow today, but we have much to do before we get out there. Many chores await us on Sundays.

So now that I have efficiently procrastinated many things I must do, I will bid you adieu!

My Trip to the Witchy Shop

2009-12-13T20:34:00.000-05:00

What a busy weekend I have had! I just made 2 of 9 presents tonight. I am making Lavender rice packs for my family and friends this year. I had some remnants hanging around the house that were just begging to get used. I also went to my local witchy store and purchased some lovely Lavender oil. It was a fun trip, let me tell you a little about it.

It was my first trip to a witchy store since I have been practicing. I packed up my whole little family and drove them way out into the woods to a place called Aquarius Sanctuary. It was amongst houses but it did have a sign telling us what it was. We parked in between snow banks and lugged our kiddos right into the building. We startled a man sitting at a desk as we walked in. As I looked around I saw couches and chairs, a large desk and a kitchen. I told him why I had come and he laughed. He said something about how this is where they hold the classes that they sell at the store and that the store was a few miles down the road. He gave us his card and a schedule of classes. I made a remark about maybe being meant to see this place for a special reason, and he conferred.

My husband, being Christian based (I say this lightly), gets a little nervous and excited to go into places like this. He is getting to like them though. After we walked out of the classroom building, he remarked about the artwork on the walls having many angels and some did not. He talked about liking the art a lot and liking the man's attitude about being meant to find him.

When we reached the little strip mall (still out in the boondocks) where the actual shop was located, my daughter was squealing with delight! She just loves to go shopping and exploring. As we walked in, we were enveloped in patchouli and sage. There were many shelves of books and art work. There was a whole wall of essential oils and shawls. I looked around, finding a few different brands of Lavender oil. I quietly asked the assistance of the clerk who was a thirty something woman with dark curly locks. She had very open eyes with a calmness I could sense. I knew I could tell her exactly why I wanted the oil. I mentioned making all of my gifts and them being rice packs. I also mentioned that one of the gifts was to be a Yule gift for someone in my coven. She was more than helpful and insightful as to what I should use. She also suggested a few things I could add to the particular Yule gift that would make it balanced. We spoke for at least five or so minutes. I really enjoyed her company.

Meanwhile my husband and children were exploring the shop, quite happily, may I add! Stag had so much to talk about, things he liked and things he wondered about. My daughter must have said "what's this?" forty times! All and all I had a wonderful time and will definitely go back again.

I have been having a blast making these gifts today. It is so easy and so nice to be able to do something for someone that is not expensive. Something that will make them feel special.

Blessed Yule Season!

2009-12-11T13:28:00.000-05:00

What a wonderful Yule season I am having! Many of you may have noticed, I won the pendant from the giveaway I posted about yesterday! I am so excited about it. It will be my first piece of witchy jewelry. I am taking it as a gift from the Goddess that I should have won that particular piece. Goodness knows I have entered a bunch of giveaways since October and hadn't won anything. Something told me that this piece would be mine. Even when I previewed it before it was up for grabs, I saw and knew it was special. I am still just so overcome with joy for the piece. Thank you all for you well wishes and energy you may have sent to help me get this wonderful pendant!

Speaking of good luck, my day has been an interesting one. I was on my way into town with both of my children in the back while I was speaking to my husband (via blue tooth ear piece). I stopped in a long line of traffic, not suddenly either. I had been stopped for at least two seconds when I got slammed from behind! It freaked me right out! I was still on the ear piece with my husband, so he was a little freaked as well. I jumped out of my car to check on the damage, before the other driver had a chance to drive away. She was an elderly woman who looked quite startled and confused. I checked out my back end and her front end. Miraculously, there was no damage! I waved her on to tell her all was well. As it was about 20 degrees (Fahrenheit) out I ran to get back into my warm car, where the keys still rested in the ignition. I tried the handle with my mittened hands, once, twice and even a third time. Nothing. I was locked out of my car in freezing cold weather (and high winds) with my happy children on the inside. I was glad that I still had my husband on the line and told him to drive home and get the spare key. He was already half-way to work and running late, but I was freezing in my fall jacket (time for the winter one wouldn't you think?). He had to let me go and call his boss to tell him that he'd be late. As soon as he hung up a police car pulled up behind me. A very nice female cop called the fire station and sent someone to help me. She waited behind me until they came. The whole fire truck came with its lights and sirens blaring, stopping all traffic to unlock my car for me! It happened in less than a minute and I was ready to go. I called my husband and let him know I was fine and he should go to work. He was almost home by this time, drat! But he was relieved that we were alright.

My husband made a comment like, "Wow, it really just hasn't been your day has it?"
To which I answered, "Actually that all could have gone a lot worse. The woman could have hit us harder or slightly off-centered and someone could have been hurt and our car would have been damaged. I was wearing my mittens and had my ear piece on as I locked myself out of the car and the cop was only a few cars back. I didn't have to wait out in the freezing cold until you got there (who knows how much later). The kids had fun with all of the hub-bub and weren't scared at all. The cop was nice and didn't make fun of me (which has happened before). All things considered I think that the Goddess was really watching out for me." All to which he agreed wholeheartedly!

Other little things have been happening all week. Yes, things go wrong, but look at how they also have gone well. It is all a matter of perception, point of view. One could choose to look at things pessimistically and wonder why all of these bad things befall them everyday (I know I have said that before). One could also look at the same situation with bright eyes and be thankful that things did not go worse, thankful for all of the things that went well. There are many blessings in our lives, a few are big and many are small ones that go unnoticed everyday. There is a lesson in every failure. Once you learn from that failure you may move on and move up from where you were. I have found this to be true many times in my life.

I know that there will be many more exciting giveaways on Wicca Mom's site, but this one meant the most to me. I will not be entering in any more, happily leaving more chance for other lucky winners! If you haven't been there yet, please visit the site daily to check out there giveaways this month. Not to mention read their blog, that touches my emotions daily.

Pendant!

2009-12-10T15:50:00.000-05:00

For all of you who consider posts about giveaways as a "non-post", I agree with you. I don't like to post about giveaways on my spiritual blog. I do post them because I REALLY want the item I am posting about. Please do not let posts about giveaways affect your opinion of the content of my blog, especially as there are a ton of giveaways this month!

That said, I HAD to post about this one! I have no witchy jewelry as of yet, and this one is perfect! I have a nice chain for it and everything! So please hop on over to The Soccer Mom's Guide To Wicca to check out this great one!

Light glinting off the snow

2009-12-09T20:49:00.000-05:00

I haven't actually heard the Goddess speaking to me, but she seems to be communicating in the form of signs. I feel her presence throughout the day. Never anything profound, just things that I notice with the right perception. I went to look at my favorite blog sites earlier and it started to thunder outside. It came out of nowhere and was incredibly loud and insistent. I briefly thought about getting off of the computer to be safe, but then I sat back down. As soon as I touched the mouse another thunderhead rumbled outside, more insistent than the last. I took this as a sign that I should get off of the computer. Instead I laid down with a new book from the library that I had neglected lately. Living Wicca By Scott Cunningham, which is a little less inspired (or maybe less exciting) than the last book was by him that I read, but still interesting. I got 60 pages out of the way in an hour. It really shed some light on some of the things I had been thinking about lately.

One of the chapters was about incorporating witchiness (my words, not his) into one's everyday life. Realizing that the divine is always there, really in everything. To take time and switch your perceptions to realize the presence of everyday magick. This also tied in with the chapter on Wiccan Mysteries, which, frankly, still confuse me. I guess they have something to do with those everyday occurrences like life, death, rebirth that we can really tune into and find a powerful connection to the divine within.

Lately I have been seeing things out of the corner of my eye. Usually glimpses of light and shadow. Never anything completely solid looking. But when I look, there is no possible explanation for what I saw. Normally I would just ignore them, thinking that I am obviously lacking some sleep. Since my 2nd Moon meeting on Sunday, I have made room in my mind for the existence of auras, energy and divine light. So I am chalking those bright glimpses up to divine presences of some sort. Whether auras of nearby plants, spirit guides or the Goddess herself, I am completely unaware. Something is making me see things that are not physically there.

Speaking of unexplainable instances, my husband had one the other day. He awoke in the morning to someone saying his name loudly. When he opened his eyes he instinctively looked into the corner of the room for the source of the voice. Nothing. He told me that all day he kept hearing people calling his name (nickname and family name). They were both female and male voices clearly calling his name. Every time he would look to the direction of the voice and see absolutely no one. Not even a person near the site of the voice. What do you think was going on there?

Sometimes I feel that there are so many aspects to this religion/life style that I am overwhelmed. It seems like, how could I ever master it all? It seems like a life time away when I will have even the day-to-day practices down pat. Tell me, all of you experienced Pagans out there, how long did it take all of you to feel like you came into your own with your witchy practices? I know some people who have been practicing for 20 years that say that they are still new to many aspects of the craft. I see them as who I want to be as a witch. I am still stumbling so much. I think some of it may come from my impatience to become who I want to be.

I hope this snowy day finds all of you safely home tonight, warm in your beds. Let sleep welcome you into peaceful dreams.

It's a Game...

2009-12-09T15:56:00.000-05:00

I am not normally into this type of thing, but I feel like it may be a good way to tell more about me. Juniper over at The Soccer Mom's Guide to Wicca tagged me for this holiday game.
Want to play along?

•Copy and paste the questions into your blog,
•Then tag 5 or more of your favorite blogs, and leave them a comment telling them they’ve been tagged.
•When you post on your blog, please spread some Holiday Cheer, and leave a link back to Heather’s blog post, as well as one to the blog of the person who tagged you.
Heather would like all bloggers to participate in this game, even if you have not been tagged. She will go back and add your blog link to the list if you wanna play along.
So, here we go…

1. Have you started your holiday shopping?
No I haven't and will not this year. Since we are poorer than dirt, I will be making all of my gifts for my family and friends again this year. I am starting to enjoy this, but still think that I would buy a few more things for people who need it.

2. Tell me about one of your special traditions.
Since our family is still young, we haven't too many traditions in place yet. We always open one gift on Christmas Eve.

3. When do you put up your tree?
I hate fake trees. We have no money for a real one either. If we want a tree, we are forced to get one on Thanksgiving when we are up in Maine at my in-laws' house. We cut one down on their property, they have 17 or so acres. So for the past 2 years we have put it up on Thanksgiving. I am starting to like that, it really puts me in a holiday mood.

4. Are you a Black Friday shopper?
You couldn't get me there at 4 am if you tried. I really hate crowds. They can make me a little nervous, not to mention I am very impatient and would not wait 3 hours in line to buy a toy.

5. Do you travel for the holidays or stay home?
Unfortunately we travel to my in-laws house on the 24th. We visit each family while we are there. I like seeing them all but would rather my children celebrate Christmas morning in their own home, their own bed. We will be changing this tradition soon I think.

6. What is your funniest holiday memory?
Our first Christmas as a couple, my husband and I got a real Charlie Brown tree. We cut this little thing down from his parents' land and brought it home. It was not the right type of tree and lost all of its needles, which were very sharp on our feet. It was my first Christmas away from my family so when I bought and wrapped all of his gifts early on, I insisted we each open one a night, instead of waiting until Christmas. We also got two kittens that December, and they loved destroying our little tree!

7. What is your favorite holiday movie of all time?
My husband and I really enjoy Love Actually. I think it is so funny and really gets the right message out there about the power of love. If you haven't seen it yet, I highly reccomend getting it this holiday season.

8. Do you do your own holiday baking? What’s your favorite treat?
I love to bake! I would do it so much more often if I had more people to do it for. I swear we go through a large bag of flour a week! Don't even get me started on how much butter we go through. My favorite treat? Either simple frosted sugar cookies or a more rich banana cake with coconut frosting (if you are interested in this recipe, just email me!).

9. Fake or Real Tree?
Real all the way. Although I would like to have a living one growing inside our house...when we have the house of our dreams. One in the yard would suffice.

10. What day does the actual panic set in to get it all done?
The day before I need the gifts. I am panicing in the back of my head right now, telling myself it is not too late yet. I am a master procrastinator. With homemade gifts, you really need to plan ahead too!

11. Are you still wrapping presents on Christmas/Hanukkah/Solstice Eve?
Yes!

12. What is your favorite family fun time at the holidays?
On Christmas Eve we go to my husband's Grandmother's house for the annual party. It used to be a big deal but over the years, the company has dwindled. I still look forward to it every year. They make mountains of goodies, not to mention like 16 homemade pizzas!

13. What holiday craft do you like the best?
I guess making presents and ornaments. I don't usually do too much other crafting this time of the year.

14. Holiday music? Yes or No, and if yes, what is your favorite song?
Yes! Although I hate the Christmas songs that speak of the Christian event of Christmas, I really like the tune and style of "God rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" by Barenaked Ladies and Sarah McLachlan. I also like the classics about the weather in general, "Let It Snow" and "Winter Wonderland" are among my faves.

15. When do you plan to finish all your shopping?
I plan to have all of my gift ready in time. That is all I can say. I plan on going out this weekend and scraping together the money to buy the ingredients for the rest of the gifts I am making.

Okay now it is my turn to tag five people I would like to hear from. This is difficult.

Broom Closet Confessions
perfectly pagan
Pumpkins and Toadstools
Pagan Culture
Oberon's Wood

December Giveaway!

2009-12-08T11:22:00.000-05:00

I just thought I would let you all know about the wonderful giveaway Mother Moon's Message is doing this December. It is a whole bunch of things, all winter and bird related. She even quilted a square with cardinals on it for us! So just hop on over to her site (if you haven't already) and check it out. I just love all of these Yuletide giveaways!

From Baking to Inner Temples...

2009-12-07T13:52:00.000-05:00

What a busy week already! Sometimes there are just no witchy things to report and discuss, but I think that there are a few for this entry.

I had a strange dream (3 or so posts ago), I baked bread, pie and cookies! I went to my 2nd Moon meeting with my coven.

I baked the bread on Thursday and it came out alright. It was a bit crumbly but very tasty. I spoke with one of my witchy friends and she said that it takes time and experience to "get to know" the yeast and how to work it. It is not as simple as following the recipe, so I guess the heat is off for now!

We had a bag of Cortland apples that were past their prime, so I made a pie. I wanted to use all of the apples because I knew we wouldn't eat them otherwise (I am somewhat picky about apples). Once they were all peeled, cored and cut I seasoned them with sugar, lemon juice, cinnamon, nutmeg and a dash of clove. I stuck them all in the dough I had already rolled out and they towered over the sides of the pie plate! Oh well, I thought, I can just make the top crust a little bit bigger. I always do have leftover crust. The pie came out wonderfully!

I tried the Rosemary Cookie recipe that is listed on my sidebar, it came out very well. I cannot say that I can really taste the rosemary very well but they are good. I have a rosemary plant from the summer that I used for this, and picked about twice the recommended amount for this recipe. Since I couldn't let it all go to waste, I chopped it all up and threw it in the batter. They came out yummy, like sugar cookies with rosemary. I brought them to my 2nd Moon meeting and they were a hit, as far as I could tell. The ladies all brought some home for their loved ones.

I wasn't sure what to expect for my 2nd Moon Meeting. It is supposed to be a 13 moon course, offering people like me some great insights and mentoring. Each prospective covener must go through this course, so we are all on the same page. There is this woman who is easily twice my age, that offended me slightly the first time we met. I thought I really wouldn't like her, because of her comment to me, but because she is so aged, she is wise and knows much. She likes to talk, so things can get drawn out but when learning, this can be a good thing. I think I am starting to like her very much. She has valuable insights for me and is always more than willing to help and explain things to me.

We talked about Inner Temple work. I have read the book (a little to quickly to get much from it) The Inner Temple of Witchcraft by Christopher Penczak, I thought I would know what they were talking about. The first question I was asked was, "Describe the inner temple". I had no idea if they meant the book, the concept, or an actual temple in my head. I told them about what I thought the concept was about, seeming I haven't any astral temple of my own yet. I guess most of them do have an astral temple. I feel a little behind on that one. I know that I have much work to do with meditations.

Another thing that we worked on was aura gazing. I haven't had much luck with this one either. It may have been the light when we were practicing, because I thought I saw a faint glow around my partner. But when I tried this later with my husband, nilch. I guess this is yet another thing I need to work on.

We did some energy work and pendulum work and much discussion about all of those topics. How about all of you? Any work with an Inner Temple? Aura gazing? Any tips, suggestions and anecdotes are quite welcome!

Another Great Giveaway!

2009-12-05T10:17:00.000-05:00

I am excited about this one! As I am so new to being witchy I haven't many candles. These sound extra special. This giveaway is located over at Wicca Moms and they have something new everyday! I am sure I might be the last to know about this great site and their wonderful Yuletide giveaways but if not, please visit them everyday this month for amazing giveaways!

Hawaiian Dreamin'--Help Interpret!

2009-12-04T19:44:00.000-05:00

I normally do not post everyday but it seems so much has been happening. So don't get too cushy thinking I will keep this stamina up...LOL!

I had this crazy dream last night that had everything I was thinking mixed together and a touch of the divine, I believe. See what you think.

I had fallen asleep thinking about how a co-worker of mine could really make it as a model and should try out for America's Next Top Model (a show I have been known to watch). This dream started out as me being in some strange form of that show only it seemed more militaristic than modelesque. Tyra was nice to me, more like a friend than she seems like on the show. Anyway there was someone who was late for the shower (we took these on camera...don't ask) and was talking on their cell phone the whole time she was in the shower. Tyra was mad at her. Moments later another person showed up late, a boy who I went to high school with, whom I never socialized with or was attracted to. He started talking about how he could care less about this show because he had another show lined up and started bullying Tyra Banks! I pushed her aside and started yelling at him not to talk to Tyra that way, I mean c'mon Tyra Banks! Show some respect dude! We then proceeded to put up our dukes and we were going to brawl right there in the shower. But just then we were outside in the bright sunlight standing in the sand, where I can only guess was Hawaii. He made a comment about if I really thought I could take him and I said something like, "If I were a foot taller I would kick your butt!" But instead of punching each other we began to grapple and wrestle each other. He was incredibly strong. He was painlessly putting me into wrestling moves, without allowing me an inch to move. I had no chance of winning against him, but we were no longer trying to get each other. It was like he was trying to show me some cool wrestling moves for next time. Me, being the weirdo that I am, was enjoying his overpowering strength and general masculinity. He no longer resembled the boy I went to high school with. At this point we let go of each other and Tyra told me I should go for a swim. So I dove in the warm waters and got sucked out into a big wave that pounded me down to the sand with strength that was incredible. I couldn't get back up for a little too long, I began to panic. The wave eased up and I stood up effortlessly and began to collect sea glass. I picked up a perfect square with rounded edges that was somehow full of water. I remembered that I had left my cell phone in my pocket and pulled it out to get it away from more waves. As I did this I set it on a large black rock and stumbled over the man I had grappled with moments earlier. I almost fell of from the rock, which was now towering like a cliff over the waves below. He caught me just in time and I kissed him, without passion, on the lips as a thank you. We embraced and I felt this incredible love overwhelm me. It was strange though. It wasn't a love I have known before. I was very aware of being married and yet wasn't feeling guilty about this contact as I normally would in a dream. This love did not make me feel like I wanted to seduce this man. It did not feel quite parental either. I know that we hugged for the rest of my dream as the sun was setting in the background of our embrace.

Here is my translation of this dream:

My husband and I had been talking about old high school crushes before bed that night. That takes care of the high schooler I nearly grappled with. Wrestling, because I love to wrestle with anyone. Yes it can be sexual, but I always end up having fun and laughing. It was set in Hawaii because that is where America's Next Top Model was located last season. Swimming because I used to live on the coast in Florida and love to swim in the waves. Pulverizing wave because although I love to swim in the waves, I always fear the one that won't let me up in time. Cell phone because we have these new, really cool cell phones that I am constantly worried about ruining. I can't explain the sea glass or the ending embrace. My guess is that the embrace may have been a visit from the God, or one of his archetypes (which I am not all that familiar with yet).

I feel like this dream was special because I actually remembered it and I knew I had to write it down in my journal. What do you think about this dream? I would love to hear another interpretation of it.

Warm Blessings

2009-12-03T15:29:00.000-05:00

I wanted to take a moment to thank all of you who have stumbled upon my blog! It is just wonderful to have so many people out there supporting (or at least reading about) me.

It seems so many nice things have been happening since the full moon. My husband has been getting more and more clients (he is a personal trainer), I got three trash bags full of hand-me-downs for Frog that should last until next year, my button is up and all of you have come to visit me! I feel like a change in the wind of my life has occurred, although not too much change has actually taken place yet, I feel it coming.

We had a wondrously warm day today (70s) and it should be back down in the thirties by the weekend. I feel this day itself is a gift from the divine. Things I had been dreading and putting off are easier and not quite as dreadful as I had first suspected. I do not want to jinx myself or anything, but this season is starting off in a very good place.

Although I feel guilty about not meditating daily as I had set off to do last week, I feel like I have gained the same experience from daily life. I really liked Zedral Z's comment about making bread as a form of meditation. I am looking forward to this weekend to try that out. I have always loved watching others make bread but I have always felt a little inept to do it myself. I think it is high time to bake my own bread!

Some of you may have noticed a recipe that I posted in my left column, Rosemary Remembrance Cookies. I found this recipe on Witchin' in the Kitchen and knew that I had to try them out. I haven't had the chance yet, but hopefully will this weekend (before or after you bake the bread?).

I am quite excited for this weekend. I get to meet with my prospective coven and work on our 2nd Moon class. It is a 13 moon course and at the end the student is imparted into the Inner Circle. I really am not sure how much I am allowed to tell about so I will stop here. It is just so exciting to meet with real witches and get valuable insights from them. They are becoming close friends of mine and sometimes I am not sure that I can wait until next October to be one of the Inner Circle.

How many of you are apart of a coven? Did you have to go through a similar process? Have any of you baked these cookies before? Any pointers? I am all ears!

Merry Meet!

2009-12-02T20:35:00.000-05:00

Yay! As you might see, I finally have a button! I made this button on MyBannerMaker.com, which I wish I knew about much earlier! So to all of you who might find this blog now, thanks to all of my friends who might snag this snazzy button, please take a moment to peruse some of my wittier posts!
(Just scroll down through these posts that are visible, they are some of my better stuff)

This blog is relatively new, just as I am to being Pagan. I have always believed these things, just never knew there was a word for it! I am sure many of you have felt this way, especially when you were first beginning your journey down this wondrous path. In this blog I openly type through what I am doing in my practices as a new witch and wonder things "out loud" and welcome any and all guidance.

I started this blog because I needed an outlet for all of the new information I had been reading about and because I had been looking for a blog like this. One where someone had already done the tripping in the dark on the way to find Paganism. I hope you enjoy your time here! And feel free to grab a button on your way out...YAY! (again)

Merry Part and Merry Meet Again!

Bright Blessings!

(Thank you to "Mother Moon's Message")

Giveaways...

2009-12-01T19:09:00.000-05:00

It seems that before I began reading witchy blogs, I never saw giveaways! I was a normal woman reading normal blogs, feeling left out of the loop. Ever since I started to read and connect with the witchy side of things I have entered so many giveaways! I cannot believe all of those generous people out there who are kind enough to give something to another person, just for reading their blog! Personally, I would love to be one of those people who give something away but I lack two things: 1) Money enough to pay for shipping 2) Quantity of readers to merit a giveaway. I feel that if I keep cracking at it, I will someday acheive this.

I also would like to win something that I have entered for. This post is to hopefully win the giveaway on the 2 Witches Blog. It is a Witches' calendar and daily planner. It sounds perfect for me! As do many of the things that I have entered to win lately! As we are so poor, I was just wondering last night how we would buy a calendar for the new year, and how nice it would be to have a Witchy calendar (as I am so new to this world). It would help me tremendously with getting the hang of new holidays and help me keep an eye on the best days to work magick. So please check out this site, if for whatever reason you may not know about it yet (you live under a rock, right?). I am sure you would like this for yourself as well!

Mothering Magick?

2009-11-30T19:15:00.000-05:00

I really do enjoy the holidays, but I need to take frequent time-outs from the company. I have always been a very sensitive person and have taken these holiday time-outs for my entire life. I would just go to my room and breathe without family chaos. This weekend was beyond stressful but I was able to make some magick happen!

My sister-in-law and brother-in-law were visiting us from Amsterdam, where they have lived for about two years and will move back to the states in another 2 years. They have seen Bear twice when she was a baby, but that is it. She has no memory of them at all and she is 2. So she was very shy around them and they were upset, thinking that she doesn't like them. Then they were going as far as criticizing my parenting efforts with her, saying I baby her too much and I need to leave her with strangers more often because she is too shy. As you can probably tell, they do not yet know the joy of having children. They seriously had no idea what they were talking about, they do not know Bear at all. She is 2 and this is just what she does with everyone.

The more that they forced themselves on her, the more scared she was of them. It got to the point that she would say something to them like "No!" and they would mimic her in a whining voice and that would further upset her. I have no idea why they thought that making fun of her would make her like them and how that is even polite at all. To say the least, I was not pleased with the way that they were treating my family. I was so stressed out that I was having bowel issues and insane headaches. Bear had 3 accidents in a row, which she had not done in weeks, maybe months.

I sat down with Bear and hugged her. I imagined all of my love for her surrounding her, soaking her with a soft pink light. I focused all of my loving energy on her and asked the Goddess to please watch over her and give her strength to deal with her Aunt and Uncle. After our three minute hug I pulled back and noticed that she had fallen asleep. We laid her on the couch, all the while our company making fun of her saying that we should lay her on the floor so she doesn't ruin our couch with another accident.

When she woke up she was back to being our good little Bear. She was nice to them (although a little shy still) and she didn't tell them "no" anymore. She was happy and energized and even kissed them goodnight. Yes, I can see that she may have been grumpy because she needed a nap but I am still choosing to attribute her change in heart to the Goddess and my mothering powers as a new witch.

------

After writing that I felt angry all over again at these people. They were guests in our home and they had the audacity to make fun of my little girl? What the heck? What would you have done in this circumstance?

Child of the Goddess?

2009-11-24T19:42:00.000-05:00

As I expected I have not been able to keep up with the daily meditations throughout this busy holiday time. I gave myself a break on the weekends claiming no alone time. Yesterday I crocheted a scarf for my sister in law who is visiting from Amsterdam. As I was doing this I convinced myself that it counted as meditation at least a little. I was sitting in the quiet dimly lit room doing something that absorbed me and my perception of time. I do not think that the Goddess counted it though. Later on, around 8pm, I was watching one of my favorite Monday shows and the TV turned off! I looked for the remote and it was sitting serenely behind me, nothing possibly touching it. When I got up and turned it back on it was on a different station. I do not mean channel 2 like it would be if the power shorted or something, it was on channel 7! I did not think too much of that then because I really wanted to watch my show. When I was going to bed I decided it may have been my spirit guide trying to connect with me and didn't want the TV on to do it. I really feel as if it were an ethereal interference and not a technical one. What do you think?

I found it odd that I was not in the least bit afraid that it might be some ghost. I remember thinking, "If it is a ghost, at least all it wants to do is interrupt my sitcom." I have a new understanding for spirits, ghosts, the divine, anything ethereal. Instead of being afraid, I am more neutral. I am not eager to meet up with a ghost that is mean! But I welcome the presence of a helpful spirit. Let me tell you, that is a 360 degree turn!

My co-worker had to go to the doctor today. I found this out last week. Being the procrastinator that I am, I hadn't told my superior yet that I would need a sub. Yesterday morning I met a girl who is another co-worker's cousin and would be volunteering for the next two days. I told her I would be short handed today and she was happy to help. That was lucky huh?

By the end of the day today I was certain that I needed to see her, that a divine hand had pushed her my way. We got talking about this and that, family situations and such. After talking for about four hours straight we got into some deep stuff. As it turns out she had (and is still having as she is 15) a childhood much like my own. Of course certain things slightly different, but the same type of emotional abuse that I endured for years. I enjoyed talking to her and telling her how my parents had treated me and how that made me feel and act as a teen. I think that I helped her realize that a horrible home life was not the only life she would live. She was happy to know how bad it had been for me but how normal and loving I am with my children. I Tried to tell her that no matter how worthless/ugly/fat that her parents tried to tell her she was, she wasn't and it didn't matter. Their words were not said out of love and could not be trusted. If their words had been heeded, they would only bring destruction to her self esteem.

It was sad to learn about her situation but I am glad that I might have been able to help her a little. At one point we started talking about Harry Potter and Twilight. She spoke of how she wished they were true, something so extraordinary, if only it could happen to her. I remember thinking that same thing at fifteen. That is what turned me (at first) toward Paganism, I wanted to do and be something special. She sounds like a child of the Goddess to me. She still has no idea, but the Goddess put us together today and will continue to help her find her way as she grows and learns. I know she will be alright in the end.

Meditation and Cats

2009-11-19T19:53:00.000-05:00

I mentioned my little inner witch in my last entry. I see her as the part of my mind that hasn't quite developed yet. In essence a part of me that is still very young and childish. Like in meditation, she is the one in control, or the one I am trying to have some sort of discipline with. As my mind wanders a million bazillion times as I try to concentrate on my breathing, I am thinking, "Little inner witch, will you please just sit down and wait. You will have time to run and play later when I blog." I do not think that she hears me yet. Have any of you dealt with this type of mind-dwelling delinquent?

As I was meditating today my cat, Norma, just needed to sit right in my lap. There is a little story here. When we got Norma we went to a friend of a friend that had just had a litter of kittens in some trailer park. There were three female kittens left. I was wearing my bulky winter coat that was a little loud around the young kittens. They were all afraid of me. When I bent over to pick Norma up she nuzzled right into my coat. She was mine right from the beginning.

{On a side note: My husband also had to pick out a kitten. We were getting two, thinking they would keep each other company and wouldn't meow in our apartment where we weren't allowed to have cats. That cat is Greta. It is his cat. I mean it! Greta really has never bonded with me like Norma has.}

Ever since I started delving within my own mind and power, Norma has been so close to me. It is like this whole journey into witchcraft has strengthened my bond with her. I feel as if she were protecting me as I was meditating. I have always felt so close to my cats as I was growing up. One time a garter snake bit me when I was about 4 because I picked it up by its tail (not too bright). Our cat, Suki, who had been fine with the snake for the 2 prior hours we had been playing with it in the yard, jumped and killed it in an instant after it bit me. I remember her tearing it apart right in front of me. She was always there to protect me. That is how I feel about Norma. Cats are very special to me in this way. They are older and wiser it seems (except when they are clumsy kittens). How do you feel about cats?

Hail Little Inner Witches!

2009-11-17T19:21:00.000-05:00

I have been a good witch and meditated for two days in a row! I know that is not such an accomplishment but I need to give positive reinforcement to my "little witch" inside. Good girl, good girl. *pets little inner witch*

As mentioned in prior posts, I have been working on finding a spirit guide. I know that they are always there, that was not the issue. Trying to connect with them with little to no experience even meditating can prove to be a tad difficult. I have met a spirit guide or imaginary friend, either way she is helpful. Her name is Magdelena. She has long flowing wavy blond hair and dark blue robes. I have no idea whether or not I am merely imagining her or actually connecting with a spirit. I would like to believe that it is the latter. She seems motherly in giving me advice. When we touch I feel this warmth, like liquid love flowing through me. The first time we met I kept hugging her because it felt so nice. What do you think, have I met a spirit guide or imaginary friend?

Even if she is an imaginary friend, she is a much wiser version of myself. Someone who can look past all of the angst in my life and give it to me straight. I feel a motherly vibe from her because I have always lacked a loving mother as my own always told me she hated me and left when I was 7. Two step-mothers later left me feeling worse. I feel loved and safe with Magdelena, imaginary or ethereal it makes no difference to me. Finding peace and revelations is what meditation is all about right?

On a side "mommy" note, Bear is great at pretending (as was I). She has this stuffed elephant that she calls, "Ellowant" or "Ellie" for short. She makes up so many different scenarios and tells us all about them in her broken two year old speech. She has even gone as far to say "Ellowant pulled my hair!" and "Ellowant pooped all over! He's stinky! I gonna clean Ellowant all up." and the ever popular, "Ellowant bumped his noggin! I kiss it make it all better!" She is so hilarious to listen to sometimes. She used to breastfeed her Elephant too, after seeing me feed her infant brother.

I bring all of this up because I keep thinking how connected we are in this path to our childhoods. All of that imagination that was squashed as we reached junior high (or earlier) that we painstakingly have to build back up to gain the power of imagination and visualization. I am not going to be the one to burst my little ones' bubbles. I have never wanted to lie to them about anything, like Santa Claus. I have always thought of explaining it to them as a legend to believe in. Something fun to do in honor of someone who was so nice all of those years ago.

Anyway I am glad that my daughter has an amazing imagination. She spurs me to delve back into mine again. May you all pay attention and encourage your "little inner witches" and to all a good night!

I want to feel more witchy...

2009-11-12T19:21:00.000-05:00

I am so flattered that I have a couple of followers! Thank you for taking your time to read about my magickal follies! I have been trying (without much success) to make a button for this blog. I know how to do it, but this outdated operating system is not letting me do much. I am sorry for those who requested a button. Hopefully when our personal financial situation perks up, so will this blog!

I love how people feel when they make something themselves. A woman was speaking to me about a sewing project of hers today. She admits she is not much of a "do-it-your-self-er" but had no other choice when her children are crazy about "Uglydolls" which cost about $50 each. That would run her $100 for two for Christmas. She is stealthily making some (as they are simple and made of felt) in the cover of night. She was so excited about them. It made me think of how fun it is to make something yourself instead of buying it. Last holiday season I made all of my presents I was giving to others. We were quite poor last year as well so I bought a few skeins of yarn and everyone got a scarf and some pot holders. It made me feel so nice to give them something that I made.

This is another reason why I love being witchy. Anytime I am bored and want to feel a little crafty I know that there are a few things that I can make for my altar. I have made some pretty neat things already, nothing is store bought. Now my altar looks spiffy. I want to do some more witchy crafts, any ideas?

I would really like some witchy jewelry, is there any way I can make some myself? Or find some for free (less likely)? If you have any suggestions please, I am ALL ears!!

I really must get back to meditating and actively living a witchy lifestyle. Do you meditate? I am alright at it but haven't much patience. I feel as if I get too bored after sitting alone in the dim light, trying to connect with the divine. I feel a slight connection and call it good. If any one has any good tips on connecting with the divine or meditation in general, again, all ears!

Spirit Guide

2009-11-10T19:23:00.000-05:00

I might have met my spirit guide last night. One of them anyway. I did an exercise that I found on a few different sites and asked very simple yes/no questions. I would feel a tingling sensation in my left hand if the answer was "yes" and in my right for "no". From what I can tell the spirit is a cat who is not orange. I got a maybe on black, so multicolored probably. Is this likely? What do you think? The next exercise is to ask short answer questions instead. I am still unsure if I will be able to tell anything about this spirit. Am I making it up? I really want to meet a guiding spirit. I know that the first step into any sort of magickal experience is to believe. I need to know that what I feel and think are completely right and sure. I need to stop doubting myself.

I get really excited when I think about meeting a helpful spirit, especially if I am able to communicate with it. I am also practicing vocalizing in primordial language to the divine what I want, another exercise from that Hedge Witch book. I know that it worked with my tarot cards and I didn't even do it the same way. I know that if I want something badly enough and surround myself with white positive light and thoughts, I will get what I want.

In other news I am feeling under the weather. I have a cold, along with my two children. It is nice to stay home from work and rest to get well, but with two kiddos being sick too, there was not much resting going on. Hopefully tomorrow we will all be much closer to being well.

If you are indeed reading this, please leave me a comment, even if it is just simple. Thank you my witchy readers!

About Blogs....

2009-11-07T19:51:00.000-05:00

I feel like maybe I might make this blog my only one. I have another blog, Morph-Ma, that I started a few months before this one. Before my Pagan awakening. Now that I have delved so deeply into researching and living all things witchy I am having trouble separating the two blogs. I feel like this one has become a lot of the same talk as I try to censor much of my life from it. My other blog has become meaningless dribble as I can't speak freely about how interesting my life has become. I still haven't "come out of the broom closet" but I feel like it is a bit premature for that. My family and friends read my other blog (although readership has been down a lot lately) but I wouldn't feel comfortable letting them read this. This is my private blog. If you look up my profile I do not list this one. I had tried to do it in WordPress but having started in Blogger it was too difficult to figure out for me. I needed an outlet for all of my discoveries, something someone might acutally read.

I ~~am not very good at~~ do not like keeping secrets. I enjoy having something new to tell people. It is killing me not spilling my guts to everyone I know. One thing holding me back is the fact that I do not know enough yet to be bombarded by bigoted zealots asking crazy questions. I get nervous under pressure so it is best for me to wait it out a little longer. Maybe until my initiation into my coven (about a year from now).

I really want a nice silver pentacle to hang around my neck. I have this fascination of "looking the part" in everything I do. Even when I started dating women (about 6 months before I met my husband) I went out and bought some men's clothing and got a short haircut. My new Pagan mentors are so normal aside from their pentacles. That is how I see me. I can be myself and still be and feel witchy. It is probably a good idea to wait for that particular adornment. I am sure that would start some pretty fervent conversations I would not be ready to have. Not to mention I have no money to waste on my appearance.

I checked out this book from the library today, Hedge Witch: Spells, crafts and rituals for Natural Magick by Silver Ravenwolf. I absolutely love it! It seems to be the perfect book for me at this point in my Pagan lessons. I can't tell you much about it yet, as I am only about 20 pages into it, but that it really speaks to me. If you have never heard of it, you should definitely check it out! I really like her writing. It is not dry but not far-fetched. It works with you for a 14 day period of time to help you clear out the negative from your mind and reach your goals quickly.

So That is Why They Call It "The Craft"

2009-11-05T14:52:00.000-05:00

It is interesting. After our Samhain ritual some of the women were talking about their astrological signs and that made me think about mine. I was telling my husband that I really didn't think that it was right, but then he started pointing out instances when it was. I am a Virgo, the perfectionist, or so I read. I have never seen myself as a perfectionist. My house is messy and I always procrastinate. Then I thought about it, my house is messy because I know if I clean it I have to clean EVERYTHING. It takes hours and I feel as if I have failed if it is not all done just right. I think I procrastinate because I get anxious about projects and how much work needs to go into them to make them just right. Now when I look at it I see that I am a perfectionist that is scared to try because things might not turn out just right. I also think my anxiety with always being 15 minutes early falls under this category as well. Maybe when the money is more on my side I will get a professional reading done and learn more about myself.

I thought I would share that little tidbit, a new look inside my head I guess. I also made a pentacle for my altar at home. It is makeshift, like my other tools, made out of cardboard and string. I made a cardboard ring and wrapped green embroidery thread around it and then braided a few more pieces of the thread together and laced them around the ring to make the five-pointed star. It actually looks nice. Nothing fancy, but what is lately? I also started using a large piece of "remnant" fabric, that I have had for a while, as my altar cloth. It is sage green, looks much nicer and more altar-ish. I painted a picture I intended on using as cover art in a black binder but the paper is a tad too big so I have it on my altar as well. Now I just need to learn how to rig up a makeshift frame! As you can see, I am quite crafty when I want to be. I think that I suddenly got all of these ideas so that I will be at my altar more, have more rituals, or at least meditate more. I even found some old candles (from college) hidden away in a box. It is funny how some things tend to find you just at the right time.

Wake Up!

2009-10-29T18:51:00.000-04:00

I have been neglecting my pagan side lately. I was totally immersed in it and now I feel only slightly wet. The funny thing is that I am definitely not "over" it, but maybe just had too much in one swallow. I am amazed (still) at all I have learned in such a short time, how much my prospective has changed. Not only how I look at myself and the world, but how I look at my religious friends. I no longer think that they are strange for being Christian, I am no longer afraid of them. I still would never want to be Christian myself but I can see how it helps them. We are all following the same light, in a way, but for some it comes from a candle and some a flashlight. I finally feel less like an outsider now that I have something to believe in, to follow. Something that not only makes me feel wonder, control, happiness but also helps me be a better person. I have never had such a good reason to recycle.

Once I found this path (recently), things changed for me. I went from being careless, to being carefree. No longer ignoring that which I felt I could not affect, instead not worrying about that I could. I know that my power resides within and I have divine help and energy on my side. With the right efforts I can and will make my dreams (however lofty) come true.

Tomorrow night I will celebrate my first Samhain. I was invited to the coven's Samhain Ritual. I feel exhilarated to be doing something with a group, but nervous for being so new at things. Especially knowing that the others have all done this before in one way or another. The attire was cloaks or comfortable clothing. I am nervous thinking that I will be the only one without a cloak! I would like one, but until now I never had a reason to wear one. I mean I like Harry Potter enough, but not enough to dress like them when seeing the movies.

I am not sure what I am scared of. I am referring to my recent slide on all things pagan. I have read some interesting books. Now I have a classic which is really not catching my attention. I felt so much more in tuned with my energy when I was reading the other books. I haven't meditated in two weeks. I had been doing it on a daily basis. I am not sure what is holding me back. Am I growing too lazy? I do have a habit of quitting things rather easily, but I do not feel like quitting this. I want this to stick with me for my lifetime. I have finally felt spiritual peace and guidance.

Maybe I need to make some real magick happen in order to keep my attention. As a reminder of all of the power I am not using within myself. What do you think?

She's Listening

2009-10-23T19:50:00.000-04:00

I really enjoyed the "potions" meeting on Sunday (last week). I was able to meet a few women who have been witches for a while longer than me. I was, of course, the youngest at 25 years old and the oldest was 52 years old. I have no problem with age differences because life is about learning and people learn different things at different ages. There was one woman who just had to know the ages (this was the 52 year old). She said that she had to know my age, "Come on, what are you, 11?" Seriously? Can you be anymore insensitive? 25 is not that young to me, but it is a great age as an adult as well. The woman who runs the group is only 34, are you going to say that to her?

We talked about so much! Life and the way that it is connected to the divine. How our paths all led us to the Goddess and this meeting. There were so many synchronicities within our group. Three people had three cats. I am one shy, I guess I will work on that at some point. I really liked the 5 women I met, even the older one. I felt a different connection with each of them. I think it was also nice to be able to talk to more experienced witches and be with like minds.

At the end of the meeting the leader gave us each a nice crystal for attending. I was psyched, being that this was my first crystal! She had also given me a deck of tarot cards she no longer uses! The exact deck that I wanted. Interesting isn't it? I made a nice pouch for them last night. Bright green and dark green on the inside with purple ribbon ties.

I had decided to made the pouch after having finally giving an accurate reading to my husband! I started out the reading by shuffling the cards and charging them with my power and asking the Goddess to bless them with divine sight and true readings. The cards were perfect! It was eerie, but awesome. It completely reinstalled my belief in this art. Ask and you shall receive I guess.

I haven't meditated for a while, I am feeling guilty and neglectful. I returned the book that was guiding me through these meditations, it was getting far beyond my ability and the due date loomed. I am picking up the classic, To Ride A Silver Broomstick by Silver Ravenwolf this weekend. This will hopefully give me guidance again and get me "into the mood" so to type. I need to keep learning and practicing, it is where I find happiness and meaning.

I have been invited to the coven's annual Samhain ritual on Friday the 30th. I am excited but nervous about what to expect. I have only done one ritual and it was just me. I was reading over what is to be involved and it says that we need cloaks with hoods. I definitely fall short on that one. I wonder if the other new women will be there and will were such ritual attire? They are more expereinced than me so they probably have some closet full of cloaks.

I will love to make a cloak (once I know what they should look like) and live more like a witch. It seems like such a fun spiritual path. It does require work but the rewards are wonderful. It teaches you how to use the powers of your mind and nature. How to work with the divine to reach your goals and get what you want. To find guidance.

My Dream

2009-10-16T19:09:00.000-04:00

I had this crazy dream...

I was riding in this big white van and Stag was driving. It was in a small Maine town (where his family lives) but it was a little different. The roads were snowy and dark. He kept falling asleep at the wheel. I kept waking him up warning him we were going to crash. When we eventually did crash, going around this corner I always fret about, it was like we just drifted to a slow stop into a snow bank. Not a real crash, no damage. We got out of the van and our dog Penny ran away. I could hear her playing with another dog so I called her to get her back to us. She came and ran behind Stag, hiding. The dogs were right behind me, as I turned I noticed there were three of them. As I looked closer in the dim night I was frightened to see that they were wolves! I knew that wolves could be dangerous and one started to growl at me. There was an older couple standing beside Stag, trying to help us. They all kept telling me to walk the few paces to them, where it was safe but I knew that the wolves would chase me. I was scared. My husband held out his hand and said it would be alright if I just took his hand. I knew it would be. I took his hand and we were safe.

We were then suddenly in my childhood home in Maine (not the same town as before) but the streets outside were the ones we live off from now. It was sunset and we heard this loud noise. At first I thought that it was a loud car stereo driving by, but then I knew it wasn't. It was this sound I would call the epiphany sound, you know in the movies when someone has an epiphany and it sounds like "AWWWW". It was this sound that made us both so happy. It was coming from the sky, like a miracle. We laid down on the couch together and cuddled as we looked up at the now dark night sky. It was filled with more stars than I have ever seen in my life. It was like sitting in space looking at the Milky Way. This noise was still going on, like an orchestra from the heavens. It made us cry with joy to hear it.

Now this is all up for interpretations but let me tell you what I think. I have been reading a lot lately about magickal omens and such. I have been meditating trying to find a spirit guide. My husband and I read aloud at night, but he always falls asleep. I think that I borrowed him falling asleep from that. The fact that we did crash, like I had told him we would, was taken from him losing jobs as of late, after I had told him to quit before he was fired. We didn't have a horrific crash because it symbolizes that even though we failed we were still fine. It wasn't as bad as we thought it would be. Penny was in the dream because I have been feeling very close to my animals lately, ever since I started this spiritual journey. She loves to play with other dogs so she played with the wolves.

I think I saw wolves instead of dogs because I had read earlier in the week that wolves we seen as spirit guides or something, they were special in a magickal sense. I think that I was frightened of them because I was not thinking magickally, I was thinking realistically. That is why one of them growled at me, because I expected it to. The others were peaceful, like I had read about. I think that means my mind is slowly being won over by magickal thinking and I am getting closer to being able to meet my spirit guide.

Even though my husband was only a few steps away I knew it was safe over there, why? Why did the few paces matter that much? Was it symbolizing that now that I have him it is safe to travel in my spiritual journey, that I am ready to accept things because I know the safety of his love? And what of the couple? Who do they represent? The Goddess and God? I don't think so. Maybe they were just part of the reality of it, people would have seen the crash and heard the wolves outside their house, but why would they dare to come out and help me?

After I took Stag's hand we were transported into the miraculous joy of the epiphany noise. What does that represent? With love I can and will make magick happen? Maybe it foretells of our good fortune we will experience after braving the crash and the wolves (financial disaster and the trouble finding spirituality). Meaning that we will soon come out on top, and it won't just happen to us, we have to trust one another and work hard to make it happen. "In perfect love and perfect trust" seems to be a theme here too.

How would you interpret this dream? I would love to have a second opinion. I know this dream was weird but I also know it means something. It is not very often that I have dreams that scream with symbolism. Another thing I just noticed, there were 3 wolves. Not one but the magickal number of three which proves my theory of the wolves representing all things magickal.

Of Vampires and Witches

2009-10-15T21:33:00.000-04:00

I have always believed in the magickal and mystical. I have always wanted to be a part of something unbelievable. I remember sitting in the dark of my room as a teenager, hoping that there was a vampire outside my window. I would beg him to please come and take me, to make me immortal, something special. I don't need to tell you that I had a less than happy teen-hood. My parents were horrible. I knew life could hold wonders beyond my home life, but I wanted a change now. I knew vampires probably didn't exist, and finding one that did was a bit of a challenge. So I looked into the next best thing: witchcraft.

Ever since the movie The Craft I had always had a fascination with witches. To be able to change your life for the better excited me. I remember going to the nearest Barnes and Noble with my good, non-judgmental friend and buying Buckland's book, the title I forget. I hid it and read it in my closet. I really had an interest in it but noticed that it took a lot of work and space. At the time I really had no way of hiding something like that from my parents so I ditched it momentarily. It was hard enough to hide a book, let alone a new way of life.

A couple of years later I found this huge book of spells and herbal remedies. I was drawn to it and bought it. I enjoyed flipping through it but still wasn't ready to make a commitment. I had the book even when I married Stag. We lugged the book around, hiding it (with our sex books) from visiting family. I hadn't yet dared peer into the realm of witchery, feeling ashamed of the thought. I was afraid that my Christianish husband wouldn't approve. I loved him so much I was willing to sacrifice my own spiritual health.

When my mother in law urged me to read Nora Roberts Sign of Seven Trilogy I was hesitant. It looked like a scary book, I only read happy ones about love. She told me there were good romance story lines woven within, so I had no choice. I eventually dared to read it. I instantly got sucked into it and finished the trilogy in 10 days. Afterward I felt the urge to research Wicca, witchcraft and spiritual matters. I did so in secret for a couple of nights. Then one night I fessed up to Stag. He was fine with it. Until of course I urged him to attend the Pagan Pride Day that Sunday, two days from then. He was scared that people would know he wasn't "of the craft" and treat him badly. I knew it would be the opposite. In the mean time I researched more, trying to find a coven that offered classes. I knew I needed to learn more by experience than just by reading.

I have read four books since then (3 weeks ago) and look forward to my first "potions" meeting. I am so much more fulfilled now that I have found my path. I know that I was supposed to find this path a number of times. I found it when I was ready to find and pursue it.

Energy Protection

2009-10-13T13:43:00.000-04:00

Okay I did not see that man with dark hair again. I guess I was just making him up, maybe because I expected to see someone, maybe someone scary looking, reflecting my fears of meeting an actual spirit. Oh well, soon I will meet my spirit guide.

I read an interesting chapter on "Protection" last night. It talked about "energy vampires," people who are always depressed and when they come near you, you feel drained of energy and your good mood, they take it from you. It talked about how to keep yourself safe from these people, because they probably don't even realize they are doing it. I have known so many people that made me feel like that!

Also in that chapter there was mention of protective symbols, like the Pentacle and the Ankh, equal armed cross, and a few others. They were saying that most witches wear one when ever they are out of their house (which is usually heavily protected). At the end of the chapter my homework was to make one of these protective items to wear. I really don't have too much for making it but I did end up finding some embroidery thread and an acorn. My idea was to make a "friendship" bracelet (yup, just like in elementary school) and attach the top of the acron to it with the symbol inscribed on it. After about ten minutes of carefully putting holes in the acron top I broke it trying to get the thread through it. Drat, that was my only acorn. I sifted through more of my nature-y things I had picked up on my last walk and found some birch bark. I soaked the bark in warm water (salt, tea tree oil, cinnamon), charged it with protective energy as I drew my symbol within and rolled it up like a bead around the bracelet. I taped it in the end (no super glue) so it looks a little tacky. I wore it today and it seemed only pleasant moods drifted my way. I like it a lot, but now I feel like I need to make some for my kids. Maybe it will help my two year old stay happier.

I am feeling a strong urge to erect an altar in my bedroom, one I can attend every day. I need a special place to meditate, it was suggested that there be a mediation altar (can be the same used for magick and rituals). I will have to clear some space in my cluttered room and put a table that just happens to be spare right now, there. I really like the notion that everything happens for a reason. There are no coincidences. It gives me comfort, especially when something bad happens, like a necessary evil of sorts.

I still have yet to realize how I am to get a deck or tarot cards, but I am keeping my senses aware. I know a deck will happen into my possession with the right energy projected out, to help them find their way home. Some times I jsut read what I write and stifle laughter. I sound like a kook! But that is alright, I know that I am overcoming years of brainwashing from society. It feels nice to believe in something magickal, gives my inner child something to do.

Further Meditation Progress

2009-10-11T19:30:00.000-04:00

I was meditating on Friday in the bath tub, it is where I can get the most peace and comfort. I am doing much better with it each day. I surround myself with tealights and put aromatic oil and salt in the water and settle in. As I am meditating I do some exercises from the book I am reading "The Inner Temple of Witchcraft," which really is more about meditation than witchcraft. I then do some affirmations, telling myself what I desire is already true, a way of reprogramming my brain. For example, I was sick the other day and I sat in the tub and repeated 33 times (multiples of threes are supposed to help), "I am perfectly healthy". It really did work, I was completely better by the next morning. Typically I would just be getting over it now, four days later. So I really like these affirmations. I suggest you trying them too.

Another thing I am working on during my meditations is finding and meeting my spirit guide, which I believe I have. Last meditation I found myself in a field of lupine, presumably on the Maine coast. I tried to notice if there was someone near me. I turned around and found a man with dark hair smiling creepily at me. I was unsure if I was making this image up or if it was a real spirit. I tried to change the image to a woman, instead it turned into an uglier older man with a grotesque face. I have no idea if this is an actual spirit wreaking havoc in my life, or if I merely am seeing my fears personified. I am going to meditate again tonight and see what I find.

I am still quite obsessed with finding the perfect tarot card deck for me. literally finding it, seeming I haven't the funds still to purchase such a non-essential item. If anyone is interested in gifting me a deck please email me! I have never turned down a gift or a donation!

Someday I am going to have a whole room devoted to this passion of mine. I will buy all of the books, cards and tools that I wish. I will have an herb garden and cabinet, filled with oils and herbs. Candles will be a staple item in my home. Goddess and God symbols will run rampant in this "study". I will have a large round carpet in the center of the room, open with an altar in its center, reserved for circle casting. It feels nice to dream.

Books

2009-10-06T20:05:00.000-04:00

I have sort of put Spiral Dance aside. I have instead picked up Christopher Penczak's Inner Temple of Wichcraft, which I love! You are supposed to treat it like a year and a day course and read and practice the exercises as long. Unfortunately it is a library book and I am unable to buy it right now. So I am going to have to make a note of the exercises and plow through it, trying to absorb it as well as I can in three weeks.

On Sunday I posted an add on Freecycle (an online community where people post things "Offered" and "Wanted" for others to pick up for free, instead of tossing it) for a deck of tarot cards. I have this fascination with them right now. Someone actually replied, "What do you want them for? Are you thirteen?" I guess they have lost touch with their inner child, sheesh! Another lady replied with a "Fortune telling kit" I drove out to get it and it is something for thirteen year olds. Oh well, it is probably goof not to get a used deck. I will have to wait until I have an extra $20. Just in case any one feels "gifty" I would like the Universal Waite Tarot Deck. It is said to have better colors but the best time-tested illustrations and details.

I have been working on meditation and visualization tonight. I am good at visualization, with direction. Without my mind jumps everywhere. I have a great imagination, no stamina, I guess you could say. I worked on it in the tub tonight with candles. It is much easier in there without the bother of other lights and sounds from the world. I do wish my tub was a bit bigger to make it comfy but in time this will come. I like working with the affirmations. I like the idea of making things happen and change by reprogramming my subconscious. This is what I love about Witchcraft, they admit it is all on the mind. That the power lies within. They don't, for a moment, think that they can fly and make things fly with a flick of their wands. They admit that the tools are merely props for the mind to focus on. I love this.

My First Esbat!

2009-10-04T19:54:00.000-04:00

I have just finished my first ritual! It was fun to do. I actually memorized some chants and hit every point I should, in the correct order. I cheated a little. There was a trusty outline at my side. I did actually feel the power. My hands feel untamed, it is difficult to type.

Nothing "amazing" happened, but I did feel energy and that is a first for me. The simple feast was yummy. I made a pumpkin bread with nuts and raisins and apple cider. As I did the ritual outside, I was able to toss bread and cider around my circle in honor of the Goddess and God.

Although nothing interesting happened, my energy is way up. I feel completely awake and energetic. Positively glowing. Maybe I did not earth the power right. I am so excited to be awakened to The Goddess and God. I eagerly await the next day for more learning and experiencing things in a new way.

I must cut this one short. My hands are driving me crazy!

Blessed be!

Perceptions Shifting

2009-10-04T12:17:00.000-04:00

Lately all of my extra energy and time have been going into getting ready for my first ritual. The full moon is tonight. The first full moon since I have started studying Wicca. Many things have happened to me since.

First of all my perception had shifted slightly. I am looking at things with new eyes. Last Sunday, for instance, I went on a nature walk with my dog. No kids or much responsibility. I went looking for possible materials for my upcoming ritual. In particular, a wand, broom materials, special rocks, leaves, acorns, pine cones and birch. It had been raining that day, so the trees were dripping large drops of water on our heads as we hiked the hill. I avoided the path so I could focus more clearly on nature and its gifts. Penny was pulling me through the underbrush and my empty canvas bag was bobbing at my side, waiting to be filled.

I started to gather anything that I felt that I should and kept my eye out for sturdy sticks for wand and broom. When we got to the top of the hill I let Penny off from her leash, she ran in tights circles around me in the wet grass. She followed me, in circles, as I found a nice tree with many fallen branches around its roots. As I gathered what I hoped would make good broom bristles I looked up at the top of the tree and silently thanked the Goddess for her gift. Just then a raven (I think) flew up into the tree. I quietly asked it for a feather as my air sign, it crowed at me. Another flew into the tree with it and crowed at me as well. I said thank you anyway and they flew off. At the time I had no understanding of Ravens or anything but it struck me as odd. Later I looked it up and found that sometimes the Goddess takes form as a Raven. On my way out of the forest I found a large stick, perfect walking stick. Very sturdy and healthy, perfect. All and all it was a great day to connect with the Goddess.

It is a week later already and I am learning more everyday. I plan on going back their today and dedicating myself to The Goddess and The God. Going back to that tree, where I felt the most connection. I will also keep my eye out for something I could make a pentagram with. Maybe a round stone or wood. We will see. This time I will not take the dog, so I may concentrate more on the nature around me. Then tonight I will be honoring the full moon with my first ritual. I have been preparing for to weeks now and I think I am almost ready. I need to review the order of events and look over some of the wording. My husband dragged a large slab of granite (which he found months earlier buried under our yard) to the middle of our yard, facing north. This is what I shall use as my altar, for tonight and other full moons I think. I should also make an altar in my home that I may honor everyday, rain or shine.

Intro to my awakening...

2009-10-04T08:12:00.000-04:00

About two weeks or so ago, I decided to take a new path. I was reading a book, Sign of Seven Trilogy by Nora Roberts, that gave me an itch. A week after I had finished the third book I had to read up on everything Pagan related I could find on the web. It was like The Goddess was calling to me. She sent me a message (probably not the first). I knew it was a sign because in my research I found that there was to be a Pagan Pride Day one day from then! It was only about 30 minutes away too. I knew we had to go. I asked my husband (let's call him Stag), a raised Christian, if he wanted to go. He sounded less than exuberant. Much less. At this point he had no idea about witches and the sort. He had only heard bad from the church and little about it from me. He later divulged that his fear was they would spot him and say, "What is that Christian doing here? Get Him!" He couldn't have been further from the truth.

On our way to the festival (Pagan Pride Day) we turned off on our exit and he was so surprised that there was actually a sign pointing the way with EMPPD (Eastern Massachusetts Pagan Pride Day) printed on it. I guess he thought it was a group of weirdos who called themselves witches getting together to dance or something. A witches picnic maybe. When we got to the park we had to drive a few miles down a dirt road to the parking center of this forest park. Even I was getting nervous at this point. What was I top expect? I had never been to something like this before. What if we were the only ones who showed up? What if people looked at us and did tell us to get out? That was just my nerves talking. On the inside I knew that these people would be peaceful and nice.

We certainly did stick out though. I think we were the only ones not dressed in a medieval-type get-up or in black. Which surprised me. I thought black and witches was just fiction, just to sound dramatic. I had brought my two children along as well and Stag was wearing Frog (as we will call my 6 month old son) in our bright blue Moby wrap. Bear (what we will call my two year old daughter) was dancing to the rhythms being beat out on a drum. I had a great day walking around and visiting with the Pagan community. Many vendors and very nice handmade wares being sold. I did not get around to going to all of the speakers I had planned on. But it was a good intro into what Pagan life is all about. Everyone there was super nice to us. We did get a few looks at first but I was good at talking the talk, enough to assuage any doubts that we belonged.

I had much more to research when I got home. I had already been searching WitchVox for a coven to possibly join. I felt that it would be easier to learn the craft in a group setting, from mentors. The first one I connected with was actually one of my husband's old clients! He was also at the PPD, running the children's table. Unfortunately they were half-way through a "school-year" for their apprentices, so a no-go there. I searched more in-depth than before and found a few nice sounding covens. One in particular caught my attention. It was a Moon Goddess Coven for women only. This had some appeal to me since I seem to have a difficult time trusting men in superior positions. Like doctors and policemen, I feel like that is way too much authority over someone's life for just any old Joe on the street to have (yes, I know doctors go to school for a very long time and it takes work to do either profession, but it doesn't mean they are nice and ethical). So this women's coven really appeals to me.

I am not yet even in the coven, I still have to go to a "Potions" meeting, which sounds like it came straight from Harry Potter, but it is just a fun name for a meet and greet, I hope. I have like 12 books on my reading list from them, I am most of the way through book #2, but it is dry reading. Spiral Dance by Starhawk, I know it is a witchy classic for most but it is just not my style for reading. I liked Scott Cunningham's Wicca: A Guide For The Solitary Practitioner, I was able to read it in a day. I keep referring to it though. I need to actually purchase these books instead of borrowing them from the wondrous library. Ah, but the funds are lacking! Soon! Soon, I hope.