I have been neglecting my pagan side lately. I was totally immersed in it and now I feel only slightly wet. The funny thing is that I am definitely not "over" it, but maybe just had too much in one swallow. I am amazed (still) at all I have learned in such a short time, how much my prospective has changed. Not only how I look at myself and the world, but how I look at my religious friends. I no longer think that they are strange for being Christian, I am no longer afraid of them. I still would never want to be Christian myself but I can see how it helps them. We are all following the same light, in a way, but for some it comes from a candle and some a flashlight. I finally feel less like an outsider now that I have something to believe in, to follow. Something that not only makes me feel wonder, control, happiness but also helps me be a better person. I have never had such a good reason to recycle.
Once I found this path (recently), things changed for me. I went from being careless, to being carefree. No longer ignoring that which I felt I could not affect, instead not worrying about that I could. I know that my power resides within and I have divine help and energy on my side. With the right efforts I can and will make my dreams (however lofty) come true.
Tomorrow night I will celebrate my first Samhain. I was invited to the coven's Samhain Ritual. I feel exhilarated to be doing something with a group, but nervous for being so new at things. Especially knowing that the others have all done this before in one way or another. The attire was cloaks or comfortable clothing. I am nervous thinking that I will be the only one without a cloak! I would like one, but until now I never had a reason to wear one. I mean I like Harry Potter enough, but not enough to dress like them when seeing the movies.
I am not sure what I am scared of. I am referring to my recent slide on all things pagan. I have read some interesting books. Now I have a classic which is really not catching my attention. I felt so much more in tuned with my energy when I was reading the other books. I haven't meditated in two weeks. I had been doing it on a daily basis. I am not sure what is holding me back. Am I growing too lazy? I do have a habit of quitting things rather easily, but I do not feel like quitting this. I want this to stick with me for my lifetime. I have finally felt spiritual peace and guidance.
Maybe I need to make some real magick happen in order to keep my attention. As a reminder of all of the power I am not using within myself. What do you think?