There are so many different possible ways the future can map itself out. It can overwhelm me to acknowledge all of my hopes and dreams for me and my family. Right now it feels as if we are at a crossroads of sorts. A time when so many choices surround us, I just want to choose them all. I keep telling myself that I have my whole life to live out so many different lives. I think the thing that I need to focus on right now more than anything is giving my children the best possible childhood. That may seem obvious in itself, but there are many ways to even go about that.
One thing that I have done to make their lives better is to eliminate negative influences. When Estella was only a week old my step mother (with a prior history of evil) called her ugly and demanded that my father leave the child alone. They left after only spending 20 minutes with their first grandchild. Later on they said they didn't want to see me anymore. Then they apologized (read as: blamed me for everything) and I wrote a long letter separating my evil step mother forever from my life, never to see my children again. My father chose her over me and his only family. It sounds sad but I think it is part of the turning point in my life (the first part was meeting my husband). Only good things have come from divorcing my emotionally abusive family. Since then I have been exceptionally choosy when accepting new family members for my children. I now have "adoptive parents" (not legally) in my friend's parents. I have known them since I was in Kindergarten. They are wonderful grandparents. I am also very thankful that my in laws are as wonderful as they are.
I eagerly await another change (which will go unmentioned) which should happen this month. Something that will eliminate another bad influence from my children. All of this gets me deep into thoughts of the future. My children's future. There is so much at stake.